People That Don’t Follow Baggage Claim Etiquette Should Be Killed

Buddy Book Club here once again fixing your travel issues. We’ve already ranted and raved about Southwest and their terrible open seating policy. Within two months of that blog we saw Southwest getting absolutely dragged for their handling of flight cancelation and overall customer service. Which was all just likely a symptom of their terrible seating policy. So airports and those flying better heed our advice, or you’ll be next!

Flying is stressful, I get it. Humans were not meant to be launched through the sky in a large cramped cylinder. It’s unnatural, it’s inhumane. I understand why passengers go a bit crazy. Am I getting out in front of a potentially incriminating video of me screaming at a flight attendant about getting Seagram’s Ginger Ale rather than Canada Dry? Perhaps. 

But once you’ve gone through that hellish 6+ hour flight, get off and finally stretch your legs and release that fart you were holding in for the whole flight, can we all go back to being normal civilized humans? I mean have you seen what baggage claim looks like nowadays? What are we doing?

Passengers immediately rush the baggage claim carousel and surround it like it’s a One Direction reunion concert. Then they just sit there and stare at the opening like it’s the Alien spaceship from Independence Day.  Do they know that their bag doesn’t come out any faster just because they’re giving the carousel an HJ. For normal people that are standing back, it makes it impossible to see if your bag has come out or even find a lane to grab it when it does.

The worst part is that these people have no awareness, none. Just a bunch of people with Ethan Albright Madden level awareness.  They’ll sit shoulder to shoulder right at the carousel, and make you do a gymnastics routine to get around them. You’ll dislocate your shoulder and tear an ACL trying to get your bag out, but god forbid they move and inch and potentially miss their bag that hasn’t come out yet but may wiz by them at a blistering 1.02 mph (yes, I did the math). Then if you brush up against them, they’ll look at you like you’re the asshole!

What this shows is not only a total lack of awareness, but also a lack of empathy, cognitive reasoning, and moral fiber. These people should be arrested, maimed, or killed. A little harsh? Maybe, but when you really think about it, is it? All the traits that are on display here are that of a psychopath. Narcissism, lack of guilt, no empathy, anti-social behavior, and impulsivity. Check, check, and check all the way through. We should have FBI agents monitoring the baggage carousel line, Ted Bundy and Jeffery Dahmer would have been locked up after one round trip.

Now, as I’ve always said, here at the BBC we don’t just complain, we always have solutions. It’s pretty simple honestly, basketball has already provided the guide lines.

How to Fix Airport Baggage Claim

1. Draw a line 6-feet from the carousel. Bag claimers must stand behind this line like a 3-point line on the ground.

2. The area inside the 6 foot zone is reserved only for people picking up bags. It will be called the ‘pickup zone’.

3. Much like the paint in the basketball, you will have a 3-second like rule, where you may enter inside the pickup zone, to grab your bag or check a bag that looks like yours, but you must exit immediately after.

4. There will be guards/referees, that will monitor the pickup zone, and help those in need with their bags, but their primary job is to taze anyone that violates the 3-second rule.

5. Alternatively in places that don’t want guards, install an electrified floor similar to the one shown in the show Andor (amazing show), that goes off if someone is dilly dallying around.

This should solve things. Or you know, people can just be considerate and back up, but our suggestions being implemented are just as likely.

Any additional travel input? Or are you one of those psychopaths’ and want to defend yourself? Reach out or check out our other Blogs.