Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – J. K. Rowling – Episode 102
The Buddies jumped into book 2 of their epic Harry Potter book/Movie Marathon, with Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, by J.K. Rowling. The Buddies delved into a number of magical topics including: Mr. Weasley being a gangster, Quidditch equipment regulations, the economics of the wizarding world, and whether Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom is preferable to a packed one after a feast at the great hall. So, grab your Nimbus 2000 or 2001 (if your daddy can afford it), watch out for rogue bludgers, and join us for this week’s episode.
Intro (0:00-1:25)
Stock Up/Down (1:26-33:15)
Favorite Scene/Character/Magical Elements (33:16-47:57)
Love/Hate (47:58 -59:10)
Listener Email (59:11-1:01:01)
Conclusion/Awarding the House Cup (1:01:02-1:04:29)
NEXT EPISODE: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – MOVIE
NEXT BOOK: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J. K. Rowling
Transcript for SEO purposes 🙂
Alright. Welcome, buddy, book club. I’m Dylan, here with the man whose Chamber of Secrets I’m trying to slither in. Keith, what’s up, buddy? Well done.
Well done. I was gonna do something in innocent about a diary, but I’m not gonna even say anything. Here at the Buddy Book Club, we’re working on some bestsellers. And this week, we’re getting back on our broomsticks and discussing Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by JK Rowling. If you’d like to recommend a book for us to read, reach out to us in the past episodes.
You can visit our website, buddybookclub.com, or send us an OWL on Twitter or Instagram, buddybookhubpodcast. You can listen to us on iTunes, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts, so please download. Give us a 5 star review, and, follow us on social channels, please, and thank you. Quick disclaimer before we get into our standard categories here. A quick disclaimer just for the Harry Potter series.
I realized that we probably should have said this last time, but you and I have both obviously read the entire series. We’re rereading it for the umpteenth time for this. Mhmm. I just wanted to say for those that maybe are following along with us and haven’t read the series, there may be some spoilers in here for later books. So I hope you have read the whole series, but let’s just say, for instance, you haven’t.
I apologize. There may be some spoilers. Let’s jump into it. Stock up, stock down for Chamber’s Secrets. Keith, stock up.
What do you got? Stock up, being about that life. Damon, do you know what that means? Do you know what being about that life means? I thought it was kinda like being about that life.
About that life? Yeah. Did I say about? Sorry. I’m sorry about that.
About that life. Yeah. You you know what that means? I think I’ve heard it, but can you explain it, please? The best way to explain it is is mister Weasley, because mister Weasley is about that life.
Okay? He told Lucius Malfoy it’s on-site anytime he sees him. He rolled up, and he said, oh, you want these hands? Immediately threw down. And he wasn’t pulling out some fucking pussy wand.
He he took his fisticuffs up, and he was ready to go. Let me tell you what. I forgot mister Wizzy was even a character in the book, honestly. What an entrance in this book. First of all, he’s getting high in his own supply.
He’s working in the, like, the muggle control magic, and he’s just doing magic, all the muggle stuff. He’s basically doing stuff he’s not supposed to be doing for his own. He did write the laws, and he wrote them very clearly so that there were loopholes for himself. So Right. He’s letting his kids get away with everything.
He’s fighting anyone. I mean, I don’t know what he looks like in the movies again because I haven’t seen the future movies coming up. But I assume he’s as jacked, tatted up, teardrop on his eye. That’s what I was picturing. Exactly it.
He’s, he’s a real g. And and you know what I say about real g’s, d man? Real g’s move in silence like lasagna or mister Weasley. Alright. Here we go.
Who’s who did the real cheese move in silence like lasagna? Lil Wayne. Can you explain that? Lasagna has a silent g in it. Oh, he’s a real g.
Ah. Yeah. Wow. Lil Wayne. I get it.
Pretty, he’s Shakespearean. Absolutely. My first stock up is gonna be near and dear to your heart, which is American Muscle. When I say American Muscle, what does that what does that make you think of? My 2011 Nissan Sentra with a 128,000 miles on estimated at $1500 right now.
No big deal. Yes. That’s exactly it. Except in this scenario, we’re talking about the Ford Anglia, which we’re not going to say that it was actually created by Ford UK because Ford is an American company. Damn right.
Just like Nissan. Yep. Exactly. What a vehicle. I mean, we talked about mister Weasley just doing whatever he wants to do, but I don’t even know how you go about bewitching a car so that it can fly because he did all that.
Right? It’s it’s not like they found the car. He birthed it. Right? It has, like Yeah.
It’s got consciousness. It’s like that ex machina movie. You know? You created some AI in it, and it and it has feelings and emotions and, agency. I just wanted to give some props to, the car itself, and also, once again, we’re just gonna prop mister Weasley up in this epi, I guess, and and shout out to him for for for doing that.
So, yeah, my my first stock up, American Muscle. What else you got? My next stock up is we talking about practice, not a game. We talking about practice. Okay.
Sorry. I’m losing a lot of American slang and, going on here. But that’s the great Allen Iverson that said that. But we talk a lot about quick quickditch, Quidditch last episode and in the movie episode. But I think we forgot to mention that they’re practicing, like, the whole year, and they have 3 matches the whole year.
Is that the case? I was wondering that too. Like, do they just play each each team once? It it seems frankly ridiculous. There should be a whole schedule.
There should be at least 9 in division games, I would say. Right? Minimal inter school play. And then they should be traveling to other schools and playing other schools’ teams. Whoever is, like, the athletic director at this, at this school needs to figure it out.
They’re literally practicing all year, and then you have 3 chances. That’s it? Yeah. There were in this book, there were so many references to Quidditch practice, but only one Quidditch game that was played. So I I agree with you.
I was when we talked the last in the last book about other schools and what not, how are they not traveling to other schools or other schools coming there to Hogwarts to to play at their prestigious pitch? There’s too much Quidditch practice compared to the games. I couldn’t agree with you more. Yeah. The other thing too is it seems like, so far at least, the Quidditch is just a way to kill Harry.
Every match he goes in, 5050 chance of dying. This is it’s supposed to be, like, a pretty popular game. Can we get some hard and fast rules and and some anti magic spells and stuff going on there? They need to really rethink the, the monitoring of this sport. Like, they need to do something here.
Right? I couldn’t agree with you more. It seems like gaining a competitive advantage in a wizarding society might be a little bit easier than So So you can disguise whatever’s going on through magic. And I think having a rogue bludger is, like, a pretty step one job for whoever the madam hooch, in this case, you know, whoever the referee It should be like, hey. We’re gonna check the equipment before the match and make sure it’s all operating properly.
If you take the bludgers out of the case and immediately they just start shooting after Harry in his locker room, it’s like, oh, woah. Hold on. Someone screwed with this. When we were, like, 8 years old playing soccer, they would, like, go and inspect everyone, make sure they’re not wearing watches or earrings on or anything like that. But they’re letting these, like, things that hit you out in the middle of the air at full speed that could kill you immediately.
They’re just, like, well, just let’s just see what happens. And they refer to it as a rogue bludger as if that’s a thing. So it’s like this has been seen before, this idea of a rogue bludger. And then it’s never discussed again after they’re like, just happens, I guess. During their time out, which I didn’t even know you could call time outs during Quidditch.
But during the time out, they’re like, oh, we could call for an inquiry about the rogue bludger, And then Wood’s like, no. We’d have to forfeit. It’s like, what sense does that make? This bludger is just coming right after Harry. Like, someone should be saying something about it.
But if you want an inquiry on it, you have to forfeit the match first. Why not immediately just bewitch all of the balls to do certain things and just say, oh, if the other team wants to do anything, they gotta forfeit. It just doesn’t make no sense. And then the other thing I want discuss as it related to Quidditch is, are Nimbus 2000 one’s OP’d, which in the video game community is overpowered? Shouldn’t there be a competition committee body of people that decides what is allowable at different levels.
Like, maybe at this amateur level, they shouldn’t be playing with anything over a clean sweep broom. Like, everyone just should have clean sweeps. And the Slytherins all get Nimbus 2000 ones. We know from the previous season, and there hasn’t been a lot of turnover in the team. So we know that from the previous previous season, these two teams, the Gryffindor and Slytherin team, are pretty evenly matched.
So if this Slytherin team all of a sudden all got Nimbus 2000 ones, and now they’re winning against Gryffindor, like, 80 to nothing, probably means that these brooms shouldn’t be allowed in competitive play, which then takes me further into thinking, is Harry just not that good at Quidditch, but he had a Nimbus 2,000 when everyone else had these cleats or comets or or whatnot? And he was just like, oh, I have a Nimbus 2000. So, like, of course, I can get to the Snitch faster than anyone because this broom is all that matters. I played little lacrosse in high school, and they were taking people’s sticks left and right to make sure that there was no trickeration going on with those things. So why are they doing it with the equipment?
Why would you allow someone to use a piece of equipment that gives them, like, a a much greater competitive advantage? Hell, I’m playing pickleball currently, and I had to return my paddle because it was outlawed as, like, too powerful or something like that. I don’t even know. I didn’t look into it. But people can’t play with them in professional tournaments.
I thought it was pretty stupid. Well, that’s fair. You gotta return it if that’s the case. Yeah. But, yeah, I I completely agree.
And this is my biggest issue with racing. And, I know we have a lot of NASCAR fans out there, so I apologize for this. But they’ll get done with a race and they’ll be, like, oh, the Mercedes or the Nissan American muscles were just faster today. You know, that’s what they’ll say. And I’m, like, so what’s what’s the point of you being in the car then?
Yeah. That’s, like, if it’s just the car, if it’s just the broom, then there’s no competition. Just what’s the point? That’s and that’s a great corollary right there because it’s it’s very similar to that. And, obviously, I’m sure lots of racing fans will come out of the woodwork and tell us how the driver has a ton to do with it.
But at the end of the day, if you’re dealing with much better equipment this is an amateur game. These are kids playing. Let’s not give them the ability to just tilt the entire field by someone’s rich dad coming in and buying the whole team a broom. Also, I think being told you’re only on the team because you your daddy bought the brooms is way worse being called that than being called mudblood. Yeah.
I don’t know about that because it’s hard in this wizarding world, like, how that would actually affect you, like, the the mudblood term. But I feel like they didn’t hit that over the head enough with, like, Malfoy buying his way onto the team. It was quickly said by Hermione, then Malfoy throws out the mudblood. But then the the rest of the book, like, it should have been every other page, was we decided to go down to the Slytherin common room and just remind Malfoy that he bought his way onto the team, and he’s actually not very good. My next stock up, and it’s a quick one, but the Ghost Rider TV show, have you ever seen that show from the nineties, early nineties?
I don’t think so. I know the Nick Cage version. Go on. No. That’s Ghost Rider.
This is Ghost Rider. It was a terrible I mean, someone can look it up and have a blast with it, but and probably see an episode. But it was a terrible, like, 30 minute episode about a bunch of kids who would solve crimes through this you know those notebooks that were, like, black and white speckled on the front that we all had? Yes. Yeah.
It was like a notebook like that, and there was a ghostwriter in it. Like, you would write, and it would write back to you. And then if there were words in the crime scene or around, it would use those words. It was kind of like a learning show, like, to learn to teach kids how to spell. It was terrible.
It was honestly terrible, but it now got to stock up because JK Rowling just ripped it off for Chamber of Secrets with this diary that writes back, and Ghostrider TV show came out, like, 1992. So sorry, JK Rowling, but, Ghostrider TV did it. You should watch an episode so bad, honestly. So She must have taken it from that great show. Yeah.
She was sitting there one day and said, wow. And that was how she came up with Harry Potter. And those people just came up with Ghost Rider. My last one was snow days. So here in the northeast of the United States, when it snows and it’s dangerous for kids to get to and from school, the administration will call for a snow day and students stay home.
Pretty simple, right? Why is there not an equivalent to this at Hogwarts? The curriculum continues uninterrupted, exams and all, while there’s a killer monster in the midst. Midst. Couldn’t they just say, hey.
You know what? We need to get our our minds wrapped around what’s happening and and figure out the proper precautions except for, like, going down to the great hall for 2 days, except for, like, going down to the great hall for 2 days. The the teachers, the administration will come together. We’ll figure out a way that we can either continue the schoolwork or however we’re gonna do it, but we wanna make sure everyone’s safe. They don’t cancel classes at all.
They just go, oh, yeah. Colin Creevey got seen in the, in the hallways, and he he almost died, but his camera took the brunt of it. Anyhoo, you got history of magic now, so, head on over. What’s going on? What’s going on here?
Hogwarts, once again, is proving to be not the safest place. Seemed like that’s been the number one priority of all the teachers of Dumbledore. But, again, I think we go back to what we said last episode is, I think they’re just, like, some people are gonna die here. What are you gonna do? Alright.
Let’s get to Stockdown. What do you have for, Stockdown? Well, coming a little hot. This all these are a little bit hot for me today, but that’s alright. And this is not political, but arming teachers, stock down.
But I know there’s been a lot of talk about in this world, like, hey. How do we stop stuff happening at schools? Like, give them guns. Arm them. Clearly, that doesn’t work.
Jenny, an 11 year old girl, gets captured or and brought into the Chamber of Secrets. And what we what do we have all these smart, well trained, honorable, adult wizards and witches With wands. With weapons. Yeah. Sounds to me like they should do something.
Maybe go find and help this innocent 11 year old. No. What do they do? They they throw their hands up and say, well, we tried. I guess there’s nothing we can do.
No one will send Lockhart, the guy we have no trust in because he, like, talked a big game. So now he’s the only person that could save them. Everyone else, we’ll just close the school down. Mhmm. Uh-huh.
But there’s no one amongst you that’s willing to, like, sacrifice or go help this 11 year old girl out? Yeah. Yeah. You think they would come together and be, like, hey, we are almost like the Captain Planet crew where we all have very specific talents that we can use. You know, Professor Sprout, she’s got her Herbology, and and McGonagall can trigger this figure, whatever the case is.
But they all have these unique talents that they could combine together to find this child and save them. But instead, they’re like, let’s just continue thinking about it, but we’ll send Lockhart. And then our boys, Harry and Ron, I don’t know where their thought process went because they initially went to the teacher’s common room or whatever the case was, like, the teacher’s lunch room. And with the intention of telling McGonagall what they know, of saying, hey. It’s a basilisk.
We know that it’s there’s a chamber or whatever the case is. The monster’s a basilisk. They went with that intention, and they overhear that they’re giving it the task to Lockhart, who Harry and Ron don’t trust either. And then for some reason, they decide, you know what? Instead of taking this to McGonagall, let’s just go to Lockhart’s office and take it to him, and then he’ll be able to do something even though they know he’s completely inept.
And the teachers know. Yeah. Every everyone knows, which which takes me to my first knockdown, which is lying on your resume. You’ve recently got a new job and Easy. Got got any of the the lines on the resume stuff.
I’m just saying that I think when you’re putting a resume together, embellishment is expected. Mhmm. Maybe just stretching out what you’ve done a little bit further. But Lockhart here is taking it to another level. He’s taking what other wizards have done, turning it into his own, and then erasing their memories so there’s no paper trail.
So, honestly, a pretty smart move, in my opinion. You know, he’s charming. He’s good looking. So people will believe him. And because of that, he gets the job.
So this could be a stock up lying on your resume, but he screws the whole thing up. Once you get that job, your number one goal is to make sure that all the things that you have lied about just never come out. People have done this for years. You know, there’s people that say, like, oh, I went to Harvard, and they end up with a great job. And they don’t go around singing the Harvard anthem that is wrong.
Lockhart can’t help himself, though, so he starts making all these all sorts of boastful claims and unfounded remarks. Oh, I know where the Chamber of Secrets is. I’ve fought this, that, the other thing. I can take Snape out in a duel. So the teachers will immediately just see through his bullshit and know that he’s totally full of shit, and he finally gets called out by the whole staff like we were talking about.
And so that’s why lying on your resume in general is a stock down. You know, the embellishment part, okay. Straight up lying, probably not great. But but once again, I’m gonna have to look back at our guy, Dumbledore, here and wonder how the hell Dumbledore gave Lockhart the job. Because even at the end, Dumbledore clearly tells Harry that he knows Lockhart is full of shit.
I assume he knew this beforehand. So how did he decide to give Lockhart the job? I think he just wanted to expose him. No one’s taken the job. I’ll offer it to him and then I can, you know, rid the world of another evildoer.
So I liked it. So he’s setting all of these kids’ education, like, all of Hogwarts students’ kids’ education back? You don’t learn dark arts until, like, year 4 or 5. That’s fine. I I’m I’m okay with it.
Yeah. I mean and and you did references that that Hagrid says that Lockhart was the only one that would that would take the job, but I don’t even understand how that’s possible. It’s a curse on the job. I I understand that’s what Hagrid said. They’re like, oh, they think it’s jinxed.
Really? We’re talking like, we talked about before, adult and capable wizards are concerned about this myth of a of a jinx? The defense against the dark We’re in the magic world here. I I believe in Jinx, in the magic world. It’s true.
It’s true. But I feel like the wizards that would have the pedigree to take a defense against the dark art arts job at Hogwarts, it’s probably one of the most prestigious posts in all of child education outside of being headmaster is this particular post. And they just turn it down because of a jinx. Like, the people who have actually done all of this amazing work against defense, like against dark arts, like defending against dark arts, they wouldn’t think, hey. You know what?
I’m gonna get to the bottom of whatever this jinx is. This is gonna be my next calling. I’m not sure about it, but either way, lying on your resume, tell the young folks out there, remember, embellish but don’t create ideas out of whole cloth. That’s just not gonna work. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which I’m just gonna get into my next stock down because it ties into this, which is defense against the dark arts stock down. Have they learned anything in Defense Against the Dark Arts in 2 years?
You don’t learn until, like, 4th or 5th year. It’s it’s like taking, like, Econ 101. You know? Actually, Econ, you do kinda learn a lot. Supply and demand.
If you’re thinking of something like Econ 101, sure. You don’t learn a ton about economics. But what do you learn? The basics. You learn supply and demand.
You learn, like, slope and rate of things. Simple stuff. But you do learn that. So why did it take the dueling club for these students to learn the spell expelliarmus. How was that not already taught?
It seems like a very simple spell. You say expelliarmus and the other person gets unwounded, which is presumably a very important spell in the wizarding world because a lot of things need to be done with a wand in your hand. So what’s the easiest way to defend against someone with a gun? To disarm them. What’s the easiest way to defend against someone with a wand?
To disarm them. Yeah. It seems like Expelliarmus should have been there, but even the dueling club itself is so poorly done. It it’s like the dueling club seemed to me like it was similar to a bad pee wee football program, where it’s just some, like, big fat dad with a mouthful of chewing tobacco, slapping pads on kids, and telling them to hit each other? Like, what about technique?
Because that’s just what happened at the dueling club. They got a bunch of kids together, They said, hey. You’re gonna duel. Alright. Harry, Malfoy, you guys are up.
It’s like, what are what are we doing? No one explained. Hey. Yeah. They’re doing Oklahoma drills day 1.
It’s like, wait, what’s what’s going on? Don’t they know about concussions here? Like, what what’s the deal? Because it seems like they should have sat him down and said, hey. Expelliarmus, that’s how you get someone wand to fly away.
And protego is a is a spell that helps protect you against charms that are shot at you. Let’s just do that for the year. Yeah. Be become a master at those two charms and or those 2 spells, and you’ll be good. Yeah.
Defense against dark arts. Sorry. Stock down. It just it’s terrible. They don’t learn anything.
The pixie stuff, what does that do? Nothing. What else do you have for stock down? Stock down. Why won’t you die?
This is likely what Tommy Riddle said, to Moaning Myrtle because he he kills her, we find out in the book. But is there a been a a character you feel less bad for than Moaning Myrtle? The like, she’s a young girl that dies at Hogwarts, but I was like, man, she kinda deserved it. Everything she does sucks. She deserved it?
Well, I don’t know. She went to the bathroom to cry because some other girl made fun of her and and I don’t I’m trying to blame you here. For a second. I don’t believe her for a second. I mean, let me let’s let’s look at the facts.
Well, first off, all she does all day is flood the bathroom and whine and cry. Mhmm. That’s all she does all day. Yeah. Because she was murdered.
Yeah. I I think all this is made up her attention. I don’t think anyone made fun. We see when she’s down at the party, nobody’s talking about her. But she’s like, yo, you’re making fun of me.
Everything’s about her. Every single thing somehow is she’s a victim of something. Yeah. She might have been a victim of dying, but everyone else there is dead too. So you can’t they’re all equal.
But the worst part is when they take the, Polyjuice potion and Hermione turns into a a cat or whatever. Right? Yeah. Pseudo cat. And she’s just making fun of Hermione endlessly.
Oh, none of the kids are gonna like you here. You’re so, like, oh, it’s so hilarious. I can’t wait to see this. Yeah. Oh, so you’re a real piece of shit, Money Myrtle?
Like, I never felt bad for her. I saw through that the whole time. She’s awful, and maybe she does deserve to die even though she came back and wouldn’t die. Her Hermione got stuck in, like, that transitionary zone of the Animorphs cover. Remember reading those Animorphs books as a kid?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Where each cover was, like, a different kid. Yeah. She got stuck, like, halfway through the middle.
So she got a tail and whiskers and whatnot, but but didn’t do the full cat. Yeah. Probably gonna have to agree with you about moaning about that. But but at the same time, you know, she she is a child that was murdered. And, legitimately, no one cares about her, which brings me to my next stock down, which is wizarding investigations, stock down.
The wife over here is watching true crime stuff all the time. There’s very little evidence, and they show these detectives who are doing it. And I know you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but I’m, like, there is zero chance this guy is gonna be able to solve this crime. You know, his car is filled with, like, Bojangles cups and and stuff like that. This guy’s not not gonna solve a crime, but he ain’t nearly as bad, and they and they do, by the way.
These people often do solve the crimes, although there are a lot of these, but they don’t. It’s frustrating. I don’t know why she watches them, but the wizarding world might be the worst at crime solving, absolute worst. So let’s let’s just get the facts together. The Chamber of Secrets was opened 50 years ago.
It’s agreed upon by all that that happened. A student died, then Tom Riddle turned in Hagrid. No one else died, so they closed the case. That’s accurate, correct? Mhmm.
Okay. I can see that. Although, it does seem like after they then took Hagrid into the interrogation room like they do in The Wire, it would be clear to them that he didn’t open the Chamber of Secrets. It would be clear to them that what he had at the time was a giant spider, which Aragog wasn’t even that giant at the time. He was as big as a dog.
Whatever killed that kid, like, the wounds on the body or whatever, would not align with this spider. So to me, they can’t close the case. But, also, a decade later, when Tom Riddle emerges as lord Voldemort, wouldn’t the ministry revisit Hagrid’s ban from using magic? I don’t think people know that Tom Riddle is only like Dumbledore is seen through that because they just they just know he’s lord Voldemort. Right?
Well, I got more to say about that. But, yeah, if you’re trying to take down lord Voldemort, you’d wanna know as much about him as you can. So other kids at school, like, in his inner circle and whatnot, knew him as lord Voldemort. It seems like they could clearly find out that lord Voldemort was Tom Riddle. If Hagrid was turned in for attacking Muggleborn wizards by Voldemort, a notoriously famous wizard for hating non pureblood wizards, wouldn’t they revisit Hagrid’s case and be like, oh, obviously, we got we fucked up this whole Chamber of Secrets thing, and we will not only give you back your wand, but we gotta figure this thing out.
Like, in the summer, when they’re redoing stuff at Hogwarts, take a couple days. Look for the Chamber of Secrets. Try to figure it out. Most importantly, though, the school administration knows it was Myrtle who was murdered. Right?
They know who the they took her body out. They know it was her who was murdered. You know the good thing about your murder victim being a ghost? You can go and talk to them. Like, Harry and Ron go into the bathroom and say, hey, Moaning Myrtle, who killed you?
She’s like, I don’t know. This is 50 years later. She’s still crying about it. Imagine trying to talk to her the day after. She’d be, like, flooding the toilets, crying.
You wouldn’t be able to get to her. She said there’s a water fountain over there that doesn’t work. It hasn’t worked for 50 years. That’s because she probably hasn’t talked in, like, 30 years. She’s been crying there for 30 years.
Think it was just her affection to Harry that loosened it up. Let’s say it’s now 50 years later, maybe Dumbledore takes a walk down to the girl’s bathroom and says, hey, Myrtle. I know you’re pretty upset, but this whole chamber thing’s been opened, and we’re trying to solve your murder. So, can you let me know what happened? Like, just these investigators gotta talk to their witnesses.
It seems like day 1 stuff. So so so just get on it. Alright. Wizarding investigation stock down. Alright.
What else you got for stock down? Elementary school crushes stock down. Woah, dude. I will never forget my elementary school crush. Did I tell you that I wrote a girl a letter in 4th grade?
She was leaving town. She was my crush. Go on. She was a twin. I’m not gonna say her name.
And my best friend liked her twin, and I liked her. So I was like, wow. This is great. We’re gonna get married. Wait.
Fast up. Yeah. God. We’re gonna be married and live in a house together. All of us love my best friend.
We’ll play video games. It’ll be great. Sounds awesome, frankly. I know. Right?
Her dad was in the air force, though, so she got relocated, and I wrote her, like, a love letter. I think my mom said to write her a letter, and it’s so cringey to think about the fact that I wrote this girl a love letter and put it in her mailbox in 4th grade. And I only remember of it. It was a long letter. I only remember the first line, but it was, I like you with an unforgettable passion.
That’s what I’m doing. I’m hard right now. I don’t know. What are you talking about? That’s that’s amazing.
That girl probably, like, was, like, I’m not moving. I’m staying here for the for the nightmare. Yeah. Well, that’s not what happened. And for the better for the better.
But yeah. So sorry. You’re stuck down, elementary full process. Yeah. I didn’t know where to go after that.
It was a good story. The Dursleys. They hate Harry so much that they trap him in their house and don’t want him to leave. I think they actually love him. I think that’s what this is.
I think that’s the whole thing. It didn’t really make sense. They’re, like, oh, yeah. You’re not leaving. It’s like, wouldn’t you just wanna be like, yeah, get the fuck out of here?
Yeah. I couldn’t agree more. I was gonna say the Dursleys in the first chap, they became my most hateable set of folks in the whole series because honestly, just because of what they did to Hedwig. They can find Hedwig an owl that needs to fly to a cage for the entire summer. I’m surprised she didn’t get, like, atrophy of the wings and, like, wasn’t able to fly anymore after that.
It was mind boggling to me that that was even a lot, like even in the muggle world, PETA or someone when it came in and be like, you can’t treat an animal like this. It’s just not gonna work. Yeah. I I agree with you. I didn’t understand why when the weasleys came or, like, the idea that hair would be out of their hair, they wouldn’t embrace that.
I thought you’re gonna go with, like you wrote, like, a letter that was, like, I don’t like you, but you really loved them. So you did the option. You went full in. I liked with them. Yeah.
But a burning passion. Unforgettable. Oh, man. You’re you’re a poet. You know that.
I don’t know. It’s terrible. I’m embarrassed. I wish I actually, I remember. I obviously, I had to do drafts of it.
And I remember when I That’s good. When I moved in, like, 6th grade, like, 2 years later, I found a draft of the letter that was very similar to the final draft, and I read it and was so embarrassed that I tore it up and threw it away. And now I’d wanna I’d wanna go back and read that. So it’s unfortunate. Just like in my copy of, Chamber of Secrets when I opened it up, in the back cover is a bunch of post it notes that say, can I have a paintball gun, please, over and over and over again?
And I think I was posting those at the time all around my house for my dad to read and hopefully get me a paintball gun, which was funny to see in the back of my book now 20 years later. It’s kinda I think you might be a serial killer, honestly, based on these two stories. I don’t know what’s going on. My final stock down is, you know, I gotta put hand up here. It’s on me, but, stock down to Slytherin getting a bad rap.
So I’ve said before in both the Sorcerer’s Stone book and Movie pod that there’s a lot of hate getting thrown Slytherin’s way and I’m sure there’s lots of other bad wizards in other houses that are forgotten just because Voldemort came in, was in Slytherin and all that stuff. But, from the stories we hear, it seems like Salazar Slytherin was a total dick, honestly. He didn’t want wizards from non magical families involved. He wanted to be really strict with who could get into Hogwarts when the thing about learning is it should be available to everybody. So Salazar Slytherin, not a good look by him, but you know what?
That was a long time ago. People change. Houses grow. New ideas are embraced. So, Slytherin could have changed their image.
But, what is the password to the Slytherin common room? Pureblood. The password to the common room that all the students have to say before going into their common room, they have to say pureblood? Pardon me? What is the school doing here?
What are the what are the syllabus? What’s what’s professor Snape doing? Like, who’s who’s running this thing that in order to get into the common room, you have you have to say pure blood? It’d be like saying white power before you had to get into your house or something. It’s it’s honestly, it’s ridiculous.
Well, they’re just throwing out openly hate speech, in the corridor. So I don’t think, they they take it that serious. Well, I don’t I don’t know. Who decides on these passwords? Because the Gryffindor ones are always like sorting hat, jellybeans, lollipops.
So, yeah, it seems a little too on the nose for Slytherin, but, yeah, I’m back anti Slytherin. I’m full circle, full circle, back anti. Did you have a favorite scene or a favorite chapter or anything like that for this one? My favorite scene was a scene I didn’t actually remember, but Dumbledore and Lucius Malfoy face off. That was just there’s something about that just makes me feel good inside when that the 2 kind of evil and good come together and like fight intellectually, but you know the good guy has the upper hand both intellectually and morally.
You just know in the back of your mind that, like, Dumbledore just, is just so much smarter and better than this dude and he knows, like, what he’s done but he’s just not admitting it and he just rationally and calmly are like debates him and easily dismantles him. There’s something about that where there’s doesn’t need to be like some argument or shouting match or anything. It’s just, like, actually, there’s just, I didn’t know exactly what your plan is and you’re a piece of shit, but you just calmly I I loved it. Yeah. That was my that got me all tingly.
I agree with you because you could’ve gotten lost in Dumbledore being, like, we’re gonna get you. We’re gonna find you, find out this was you for this. And Lucia’s like, you’re never gonna find out it was me. But Dumbledore goes the other way and is like, we know we’re never gonna find out it’s you. That’s totally fine.
But you’re a piece of shit, and Yeah. Trust me. I got my eye on you. If anything else happens, oh, baby. You do not want the wrath of Dumbledore on you.
And he so calmly executes it that it was wonderful and probably helped lead to Dobby getting freed. I I don’t know if Dumbledore knew what Harry was thinking because Harry’s like, hey. Can I give that diary back? But or it could just be another issue where, like, the wizarding investigation was terrible because that seems like a piece of evidence you’d wanna hold on to, especially from what we learn later on. But, but, yeah, Dumbledore must must have known.
Mhmm. I’m partial to when the gang gets back together at the Weasleys house. You know, it’s similar to the Diagon Alley aspect. It’s the first time in the series that we kind of see how the average wizarding family I mean, they’re probably not average. Who knows?
Whatever. But the the average wizarding family lives at just Harry being amazed by all the magical stuff in the house. And, you know, the house is just filled with noise and laughter and love and all the good things that everyone likes, whether you’re a muggle or a wizard. And then it also has all this super cool wizarding stuff and fun things to do. So I I dug it.
It was like a great intro to this second book, I felt like. No. I liked a lot. Man, this could have been Harry’s life instead. Yeah.
Yeah. I don’t know why they don’t still adopt him. Right? I mean, like and also, I think Harry should have just give him some money also. Yeah.
Where are we on that? Yeah. They also talk about it in this one that because Harry’s like, oh, I only have this wizarding money. It’s useful. It’s useless in the muggle world.
But in this one, they’re talking about how the Granger’s are going to change their money into wizarding coin, which makes a lot sense because there’s multiple born people. So you could obviously do it the other way too. Harry should just convert some of that money and be like, alright. Now I have my own money and then I’ve got to worry about the Dursleys. Conversion rate must be terrible because the only value in the muggle world that’s not in the human world or in the wizard world is what?
Like food? Like they can’t just make food. Right? Food actually has to come from something. Yeah.
So the only thing they could use the money like that the conversion rate must be fucking terrible. I’m sure, like, textiles and stuff, like, their cloaks and whatnot are made out of stuff. Like, everything’s anything that’s made out of something, they have to purchase. There’s no really, like, blue collar jobs because they can just fix it. Toilet uncloggo.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it’s done. You know what I mean?
Plumber. Yeah. Interesting. We need a whole course on how to study. Yeah, we need Economics 101 on the You won’t learn anything until year 4.
Don’t worry about it. Pick your character for our Bernie and Botts every flavor categories. We’re gonna go through these pretty quickly, but, pick your character for Chamber of Secrets. Who you got? I already said it.
Mister Weasley by far. It well, for me, it’s definitely not Colin Creevey. Oh, god. He’s the absolute fucking worst. You ever heard of Google, bud?
Google it. Stop stop fucking bugging me. And I understand being excited because we kinda talked about this with Hermione in in book 1, and you shut me up really quick about my my take on Hermione, and I appreciated that. But I can understand the idea of Colin Creevey comes from a Muggle family and wants to take pictures and stuff and is really interested. But, like, forcing Harry to sign stuff, it’s, like, so cringey, and then just always being at his like, here’s going to a Quidditch practice, and Colin just, like, won’t shut up.
It’s like, chill out, dude. So, yeah, he’s he’s on my shit list call and greet me. It doesn’t make sense either that he’d be why would he care about her? I went to a bar once and there was a ton of players there. I’m just not the biggest hockey fan.
It’s cool that they’re there for sure. But I wasn’t like, oh my God, that’s Lucic. I I was just like, oh nice. That’s cool they’re here. That’d be the same thing.
Like, you’re not in like, he just gets you introduced to that wizarding world. Why would you be like, oh, my God. There’s a famous person that’s in this world that I’ve never cared about before, but now I have to what? Why would you care all this other? Yeah.
Colin Krieves is the kind of guy who’s gonna grow up and fight a little kid for a foul ball at a baseball game, you know. The picture stuff, you know, you can ask for a picture once or what or twice, but just following someone around, like, come on, bro. Yeah. Give them a break. So up there for me is also Fred and George Weasley.
I respected them a lot in this book. They kept things light while everything was tense around Hogwarts, especially for Harry during the whole Harry is the heir Slytherin phase, and it was really getting to Harry. And these guys, like, they’re just like, hey. Let’s bring some levity to this thing. And they were walking around being like, make way for the air of Slytherin.
Make way. And I think their mentality is just the best way to approach the haters. It’s like, cool. You know, believe whatever you ought to believe Yeah. Let me do it.
F for you. But I think who’s gonna take the cake for me is is Oliver Wood. He’s just a guy with a one track mind. There’s a monster running amok in the school, and he’s only upset that Quidditch practice gets canceled. It’s a great point.
Like, oh, wait. Mcdonald’s like, there’s great news. And people are like, oh, maybe those kids got saved, or maybe they found out who this monster was and destroyed it. And Oliver was just sitting there fingers crossed being like, Quidditch is back on. Quidditch is back on.
Quidditch is back on. So, I just like the guy. He’s got a one track behind it, and he knows what he wants, and he’s going for it. So I respect Oliver when he’s up there for me. I like that.
Let’s go to, magical element here. Pick your magical element for just this book, wands don’t count. We had some new introductions, flu powder, which was introduced early on, mister Weasley’s car, which we’ve already talked about, Bewitched Diaries, that’s another one. I I think I’m gonna allow potions that change you into other people’s likenesses, as a magical element, even though it’s it’s not like a spell. But, you know, it’s a potion.
Yeah. It’s a magical element. Sure. Why not? Do you have, anything else that was on the list or one from there that you, particularly fond of?
I I like the Polyjuice. I I think just mainly because it wasn’t just an easy spell. You had to actually work for it. You had to put time in and it took them months to do it seemingly. And then there is that caution, like, you you could fuck this up.
So I actually did like that there was the yin yang of, doing something this hazardous. Right? So there should be some consequences to potentially doing something like this. I like to Yeah. Yeah.
Hermione, I feel like should have been able to identify that that was a cat’s hair. That’s just that’s just my opinion, but, as opposed to a human hair. And if you’re gonna use hey, folks out there. If you’re gonna use the Paula Juice potion, if you’re gonna get there, be sure of the source of the thing you’re turning into. That’s pretty key.
Pretty, pretty key. I obviously love, the Weezly’s car, so I’m gonna go with flu powder on this one. Oh, flu powder sounds terrible. It it does? Why?
I mean, you just Do you like roller coasters? It sounds like there’s, like, you got out and you basically need to throw up immediately. I I actually have never been on a roller coaster, so, I can’t say that I do like them. You’ve never been on a roller coaster? Correct.
Never been to a amusement park? It’s not they’re not for me. I’ve been to a amusement park. They’re not for me. I’m not hating you.
I mean, I’ve been on one and I didn’t like it at all, and so I don’t go on them. But I if you’ve never been on one, how do you hate it? I I don’t hate it. I said I don’t know. I just don’t don’t I’m not not into it.
Doesn’t doesn’t sound like something I’d be I’d wanna do. But flu powder I mean, we’re talking about ways that you can travel between, like, hey. We could do these podcasts live. I could be sitting in your room right now, in your Chamber of Secrets, and I could just, you know, go to my fireplace, which is of substantial size, and throw some powder in it, and I’d be there. Yeah.
Sure. It’d be a little rocky ride, but we’ve all been on an airplane with some turbulence. Like, yeah, it’s not ideal, but this is gonna be super quick. I would just have to be very clear about where I was going because, you know, we don’t wanna have any sort of, situation like Harry had. So I don’t wanna go to Knockturn Alley.
Although, you might. It could be interesting. But but it’s just, you know, the idea of flu powder. It’s like a Mario’s tube. It’s like tube technology.
Why wouldn’t you want that? The the wizard’s definitely got that one figured out. Okay. Quickly, next one. Pick your spell.
Once again, not a ton of spells. This one’s easy. I mean, there’s no point even running through them, but go on. Okay. Yeah.
There’s not a ton of spells in here. We do have some big ones, obviously. Ron did not cast a spell when he tried to curse Malfoy that he ended up puking up slugs. It was just a a noise. Well, that was that was my, my spell.
There’s actually a spell for it. Oh, there it is. What it is? No. What is it?
It’s sluguloselecto. I know. Look it up. It’s not. Yes.
It is. Oh. I’m not even kidding. I was like, okay. So this is obviously the the spell everyone’s picking for this one.
Right? Yeah. So interesting because, he doesn’t say anything there. He just, like, pulls his wand out. I looked it up.
A loud bang happens. Oh, wow. A loud bang happens. Legolas Sarecto. Did you say Legolas?
But what’s the difference? Yeah. I think the big ones are we’ll start with the least obvious, but obliviate. They use that throughout the series at least a few different times. That’s obviously Lockhart’s go to.
And then the 2 big ones, Lumos to light up the wand tip, and, Expelliarmus, of course. Harry’s Harry’s number 1. Harry’s go to. Expelliarmus. So you’re going with Sluggo erectus.
Yep. And I’m gonna have to go with Lumos. Muggles have. Expelliarmus. Yeah, you can just throw someone’s wand out of the way, but it’s not that cool.
You know, Harry only uses it one time in a cool way when Malfoy takes the diary. He’s like, oh, it’s got all the armor. I mean, that’s why I’m saying slugless erectos is the best spell. Of course. If you want somebody to erectos some slug.
Yeah. Okay. A bunch here. Pick your magical creature. We got garden gnomes, house elves, trees that beat the shit out of you, mandrakes, giant spiders, a basilisk, and a phoenix.
For me, it was mandrakes just because I kinda wanna see what they do with that in the movie. So it’s an actual human that’s growing in a plant and then either just like killing it and stuff? What’s going on? It sounds like they’re, like, torturing this thing that’s alive that they can physically see. Yeah.
I didn’t get it. Really interested to see what they look like in the movie. Yeah. It was interesting because the the cover or or the book art for this in the book is exactly what you’re saying. It’s like it looks like a baby that has some some, leaves growing out of its head.
And I did very much like the jokes as it applied to mandrakes, like, when they were ready or not. It’s like, oh, they’re being annoying and having pimples or whatever the case is. Like, they’re almost there. It’s like you’ll know they’re ready once they start moving into each other’s pots. They’re they’re real people.
Yeah. Okay. So that brings me to another point, which was between the mandrakes and the garden gnomes, it seems like they both have some level of, like, humanness to them. Right. And they’re treated like total pests.
I mean, so are house elves to some. Right. Right. House elves will grow and have their own bit in this story. But garden gnomes and mandrakes aren’t addressed again.
But even with garden gnomes, they’re the guy’s like, hey, put me down. Like, you know, Ron picks them up. The garden gnomes are like, hey. Put me down. So, woah.
Excuse me? And it’s like, no. No. You fling them around and then throw them as far as possible. It’s like, oh, would you would you do that to to something that has consciousness?
I found both of those to be interesting, and I think they, they eased just as a spoiler. They eased back a little bit on the humanity of the mandrake in in the movie. Because, yeah, afterwards, they’re like, oh, yeah. We chop them up and boil. I was like, Jesus Christ.
My god. My god. That’s sick. I have a tough time with I’m I just have to go with the phoenix. I know it’s so obvious and whatever.
But but, I mean, it’s got tons of like, it’s tears that cure all this stuff, and it just can’t carry weight of 20 times its size like an ant. And it’s just badass. So yeah. Plus, we’ll learn later that Fox gave, Harry his, phoenix tail in Harry’s wand and Hogwarts is from is from Fox. Yeah.
Wow. And, just quickly for those that have the original US version of the book that as I have, Mary Grand Prix also did those, and she does them for the whole series, so I’m not gonna mention that again. But I just wanted to do the US versus the UK cover art because the US cover art is it’s like a typical trailer that you saw from the nineties where you can watch that movie trailer, and you’re like, oh, I know exactly what happens. The cover art is Harry holding on to a phoenix with Ron and Lockhart and Ginny and flying out of some deep chamber, it looks like, where there’s snakes all around it. Yeah, a little spoiler is true.
It’s like a little too on the nose on that one, whereas the UK cover is a very well drawn, in my opinion, picture of Harry, Ron, and Hedwig, like, in the car flying to Hogwarts. Which is, like, a great scene, and awesome, and doesn’t give anything away. So I’m not sure that people really, like, necessarily, like, study the the cover art, but you could pretty much figure out what what the animal was based on that. So not a big fan. Let’s get some love hates.
Keith, love hate lingering questions. What do you got? Love wise, even though I kinda knew the twists and turns are coming, they’re still good. I still liked them. So kinda surprised.
A lot of stuff you forget about. Mhmm. So it’s just it’s just great. And what what’s crazy to me too about this book especially is when I always look back, I always said, oh, yeah, the second book’s probably the worst. And you know what?
If this is the worst book, we’re we’re in a good Yeah. Start because this book is so amazing. Like if I wish every single book was as bad as this the worst book is so amazing. Like, if I wish every single book was as bad as this the worst book of this series. I don’t know if that’s gonna ring true again, but I just remember thinking 2 wasn’t as good.
But Mhmm. It’s still an amazing book. Yeah. I mean, I think you’re putting it out there which is exactly what it is. It’s like if that’s the case that it’s not the best book or it’s the worst book, you’re not taking away from it by saying it’s like when my mom says to me, I’m her least favorite child.
It’s like, well, you know, you still love me a lot. I’m sure. You know what I mean? Like, better than any other child. Like, better than this guy that you just saw on the street.
Right? My first love, I already said the Weasley house, just seeing how they live. And then similarly, Dumbledore’s office because Mhmm. Especially now rereading the book knowing that we’re gonna spend more time in Dumbledore’s office throughout this series. Getting the first glimpse into it was really cool.
I wish they had gone into a bit more detail of stuff that he saw around the office that might have clued us in for later books. Like, him seeing the pensive would have been really good. But either way, you know, you get all the headmasters around the wall, like, sleeping or whatever the case is, big circular place, and then he sees Fox and that whole scene. So I I I really loved Dumbledore’s office and the Weasley house. What else you got?
I love I don’t know if you mentioned it for magical elements, but the howler? Oh, that was the one I forgot. Yes. I was thinking about that actually as I was, like, upstairs. I was like, oh, I gotta write that down and then forgot.
So thank you for that one. I’m glad we connected us there. I also kinda wanted to know the dynamics of that. Do you have to like, pay for that? You have to do is there anything extra that’s involved?
Or it’s just a spell? Or, I don’t know. I kinda wanted to to hear more about the howler and the economics and everything around that. I also also wanna know if there’s a way to diffuse it. I feel like you can’t just be having these things go off everywhere.
There’s gotta be some sort of, like, way to stop people from sending them all the time. I don’t know. So I I kinda wanted more of the dynamics around it. Yeah. Interesting.
I wonder they probably you have to buy well, the Weasleys are would they spend money on that? That’s what I was thinking. It was, like, kind of, like, when, in Dune when they spit on the ground. It’s like, oh, wow. Wasting water there?
Like, that’s the kind of like, she’s like, I’m gonna spend money on this tower even though we don’t have the money to do it just because of this, it needs to be set. And I was like, oh, shit. That she means business. Yeah. No.
I agree with you for sure. I’m gonna I’m so glad you mentioned the Howler because that’s interesting. It’s almost like glitter bombs now or something like that that they would send. My next love is we gotta give a shout out to Professor Binns here. Out of the whole series, he gets he finally gets his his moment to shine with some Hogwarts lore when Hermione asked him about the Chamber of Secrets.
And I think you’re of the same mindset as I am where I just fucking love lore. Like, if if they just if the whole book was just talking about things that have happened at Hogwarts and how that ties into what’s going on now, or there’s a suit of armor and they say, oh, this was Merlin’s time. I would love that stuff. So I really enjoyed that chapter as well where they’re explaining the founding fathers and how it all worked. And it all came from Professor Bintz, who gets nothing out of this.
So I think we’ll see in the movie that he does not give this speech. But, but, yeah, I’m glad he got it in the book. The last one for me is just that I like that this book gets darker than the Sorcerer’s Stone. It, like, continues this trend. Mhmm.
I mean, or it starts the trend of the books slowly getting a little darker. You know, the whole chamber stuff with Tom Riddle being Voldemort. That whole scene is, like, pretty legit. This is, like, a fur written for kids. It’s, like, this guy is maniacally smiling as he has an unconscious young girl at his feet and Harry’s trying to figure it out, and then he calls a giant freaking snake that bites Harry.
It’s like, this is for cereal. So I like that stuff. And you also get a little more adult themes going on here. You know, there’s some racism issues that are addressed, you know, as it relates to to nonhuman and wizards from nonhuman Mhmm. Nonmagical backgrounds.
I think that she does a good job of making the people that we like in this book very clear on their stance on those things, so that it’s not really, like, hitting us over the head with it, but it’s more of, like, showing how bigoted and ignorant all these other people are. I like that, and it seemed like it was woven naturally into the story without it being, like, I’m trying to address this head on. What about hates? My hates were more around, like, lingering questions, I would say. Okay.
Well, you can do both. One is, where do the teachers sleep? Is it in their offices? Where do they live? I mean, we know where Haggard lives, but where are the other teachers living?
Yeah. Good question. I have no idea. I feel like they never addressed that. Where is McGonagall sleeping?
Every time she’s up midnight, she’s, like, fully clothed and, like, yo, Harry, you get detention. 50 points from Gryffindor. I just cashed a ticket. So, yeah, that’s a good one. I don’t know.
And then why are girls allowed to sneak into the boys’ room? But I think we learn in future books, boys are not allowed to sneak into the girls’ room. Yeah. I was wondering that too. Is it Ginny who goes up there and talks to them?
And I was like, wait. Hold on a second. I I thought that when Harry and Ron tried to do it it turned into a slide or something and kicked them out. Yeah. So, yeah.
Interesting. Seems like a seems like a double standard there, but so I listened to most of this book. I listened to some Jim Dale, and god, I miss him. He does pronounce Voldemort as Voldemort. Yeah.
Which is supposedly how you’re supposed to say it according to JK Rowling. Oh. But he’s just he’s just so great. I I I love him so much. But because of that, I feel like sometimes you miss details because I usually do it in the car and, you know, I’m driving around and whatever.
But I was like I paused for a second. I was like, wait. Is Ginny in their dormitory? Like, how did that Well, she breaks in to steal the diary. So Yeah.
That’s yeah. When she breaks in. It’s like, how does she even get in there? So my hate is that the story structure is just and the plot is just too similar to Sorcerer’s Stone for me. Almost the beats are exactly the same, where issues with the Dursleys enter some wizarding stuff that Harry hasn’t seen before, including Diagon Alley.
Train, or in this case, it’s a car. They go to school. And then the whole them looking for this Chamber of Secrets and stuff happening is just so similar to this Yeah. Sorcerer’s Stone. I think that’s why I remember it being my least favorite because it to your point, yeah, it is kind of and the other ones kinda you have no idea where the story goes.
They kind of start to take off a little bit. Yeah. Exactly. So, like, they’ll start to change. And even even in the third one, which is, you know, we’ll we’ll get to it.
But I don’t remember it. So maybe they’re all the same. It follows a that the third one follows a similar storyline, but it’s so much different in the context and also, like, the history of Harry’s family and everything. And and and, we didn’t really talk about this with the Tom Riddle thing we were talking about earlier with with Dumbledore being the only one that knew that you said was the only one that knew Voldemort as Tom Riddle, which I don’t I don’t agree with. But so Dumbledore is okay calling Voldemort Voldemort.
He says that. Because he says like, you can’t be scared of a name or whatever this thing or that. But if that’s the case, why not refer to Voldemort as Tom Riddle? Like why isn’t Dumbledore just calling Voldemort Tom Riddle? Because one, Tom Riddle is not a scary name.
Everyone’s so scared of this Voldemort guy. Oh, this big wizard Voldemort. But if you’re like, oh, you talk about Tom Riddle? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. He got beaten by a baby, so we don’t have anything to worry about. That’s 1. And then number 2, you know it’s gonna piss Voldemort off that they’re talking about him as Tom Riddle because he doesn’t like his own name because it’s muggle based. That’s a good point.
So it’s like Voldemort’s gonna be even more pissed because Dumbledore’s walking around saying it, Tom Riddle, and then all the other wizarding people are like, oh, yeah. You know Tom Riddle? So it’s kind of it does it works in 2 ways. So I I I didn’t I didn’t like that Voldemort was or Dumbledore was calling him Voldemort and embracing this character that he’s created as opposed to just being like, yeah, Tom. Whatever.
Well, maybe he’s like, Tom Riddle was the innocent, and then he got killed by you know, like the it’s like Anakin turns into the the John Shrader. You don’t call Anakin anymore because he’s you wanna preserve that memory of the the good person or somewhat good? Yeah. I think Tom Riddle, like, tortured children and stuff like that and Right. Murdered children.
The good things. Songs. Yeah. He was head boy. He was really good.
Yeah. I got one more. I already talked about the Nimbus 2001 being overpowered. We’re both big proponents here of privacy in bathrooms, you know, when you’re using the bathroom. Privacy is very important.
So are Harry, Ron, Hermione when they’re, you know, having to spend a month cooking up Paula Juice potion, which is illegal. My question for you is would you prefer a bathroom that is frequented by other students or an empty bathroom that happens to be home to a moping ghost? Is the water splashing into me while I’m sitting down on the toilet? It’s funny you say that because I was thinking that as well. And the and the answer is no.
Because once toilet water is involved, obviously, the whole thing goes out the window. Yeah. Yeah. If that’s the case, I’m out. If it’s just her money, I just be throw some headphones on and then just go in there.
It’s it’s easy day. It’s fine. Yeah. I mean, she may or may, like, come through the stall door at some point. You know, it’s it won’t happen every time, but, you know, at some point, she’s she’s coming by asking what you’re doing in the bathroom or something like that.
But she’s a ghost, so it’s not like What she’s asking what you’re doing in the bathroom. Yeah. She’s what what are you doing in a girl’s bathroom? I thought he was, like, oh, I’m going to the bathroom. Number 3.
Yeah. Okay. So you’re you’re okay with the girl’s bathroom. Yeah. I think I’d I’d rather do that than have, like, 5 wizards sitting next to me unloading, some plugos erectos.
Yeah. There’s nothing worse than you open up the bathroom, and it’s, you know, right after the great hall breakfast, and it just stank. Like, the whole thing stank. Or you can just go to Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom. It smells fine.
Yeah. That’s the secret room. In there. Yeah. Oh, I’d be using the secret room.
That’s what I’d be using it for. That that would be a good question for a future book. Just shit right into the vanishing cabinet? Yeah. Someone else is opening the other end being, like, oh, this vanishing cabinet just fills with shit all the time.
So frustrating. Well, listener mail. Let’s get to it. What do you got? You got mail.
Ian from Austin, Texas. The wizard and witches are naturally doing magic as they grow up without wands, even though many of them don’t realize it. Then they go to Hogwarts and they finally get to use magics that stored up in them. But then they head back home and not are not allowed to do magic at all. Won’t their bodies naturally do some sort of wet dreams of magics at even higher rates now that they’re more mature and potent?
Oh. Thanks for the question. That’s a really good question. Fascinating. Yeah.
You’d think so. Like, I talk in my sleep sometimes. I have a a sleep app that tracks my sleep or whatever, and it’ll tell you if you’re, like, storing or whatever, you can listen to it. You know, it has audio, so you can listen back. And sometimes I talk in my sleep.
So, what if all of a sudden I’m, you know, falling asleep looking at the wife, and I’m like, slug o erecto. And, did not happen what I think was gonna happen. Instead, she starts vomiting slugs. Right. Right.
You know? That’d be that’d be terrible. They’re, like, making things like, the glass, like, get removed. And, like, anytime someone does something mean to them, they’re, you know things are happening around them naturally. You especially at their puberty age, that things would be happening just because Even more frequently.
Just because hormones are high, and their and their, like, wizarding powers are are being addressed and Mhmm. Growing. So, yeah, I would think that more stuff would happen, and I wonder how that would work with the, like, magical affairs department because, like, I didn’t use a wand or anything. How do you know that? What do you think?
No. I think that’s a it’s a it’s a good point. It’s just sometimes it just releases and you have you can’t have nothing to do about it. You know? It’s just Tell me about it.
Yeah. Tell me about it. Hold on a second. Care, can you wash the sheets? Yeah.
I had an accident. Alright, Keith. At that, who do you award the house cup to for Chamber of Secrets? Yeah. I’m gonna give it to I think this is more of, like, a pity award.
Like, you know, they kinda needed it. They need, like, a pick me up, but I’m gonna give it to Hermione. Yeah. Tough book. Real tough book.
She did. She doesn’t get to hang out with the boys, Ron and, all the brothers at the house. Like, they didn’t invite her over or anything like that to come out and hang out. I know. What’s up with that?
That’s tough. They get to the school. She does the polyjuice stuff. She’s getting called mud blood left and right, then it gets turned into stone or whatever. Petrified.
Yeah. Petrified. So and then we don’t even see her at the end. So it’s just, like, alright. I guess, tough tough book for Hermione.
So this is more of, like, a, hey, Keep your chin up. We’ll we’ll get him next book. Yeah. So word to her. I appreciate that participation trophy because, you know, she did most of the hard work.
She was spending the entire book at the library trying to figure out the Chamber of Secrets as, like, Harry was at Quidditch practice, and Ron was spinning up slugs. So, yeah, she deserves it. I appreciate that one. I’m gonna give it to the Ford Anglia. Nice.
It it’s an unsung hero, really. It got the boys to Hogwarts, which they wouldn’t have done otherwise, we we assume. It battled the Whomping Willow to a stalemate, which is tough for anybody. Adapted to and survived in the Forbidden Forest, not unlike Alan in, Jumanji. And it not only forgave Ron and her Harry for mistreating it, but came to their rescue when the spiders were gonna make them a midnight snack.
So Full story arc. Yeah. Yeah. The the the Fort Anglia had its had its own story arc like you said there. So I I appreciate that.
Hats off to you, and 10,000 points. I don’t know what house you belong to, but it’s definitely not not Slytherin. To the automotus or something. I don’t know. Okay.
So quickly before we get on to what’s coming up next, let’s let’s start ranking these because we got 2 down now. So Chamber’s Secrets, Sorcerer’s Stone, how do you rank them? Yeah. I’m I’m giving Sorcerer’s Stone 1. I think the the original the ground setting, it’s hard to to beat a number 1 anyways as it is.
Mhmm. And then to your point, the the beats are somewhat similar. So I I I don’t want to, like, say it’s the worst, but it’s just it’s such a good book still. It doesn’t matter. You know?
It doesn’t matter if I rank it worse. It’s all one one a, one b, one c, one d, one e. And how many letters? 7. Keep going.
Yeah. What’s the 7th letter of the no. Yeah. I I couldn’t agree with you more. I I loved the book, but it it’s second fiddle to to Sorcerer’s Stone at the current moment.
So my rankings right now and yours, Sorcerer’s Stone 1 and Chamber of Secrets 2. Keith, what do we got coming up next? Well, we got the movie coming up next, so we’re gonna pop that into the DVD or VCR, whatever you are you have at your house and, get that going. And then we’re gonna start, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Get tee up.
I’m excited for this movie because it’s a piece of Harry Potter that you haven’t seen yet, so it should be fun. I’m excited for you to see a jacked out of his mind, mister Weasley. What did you just say, bitch? You’re coming on my street and you’re saying that shit to my face? Malfoy.
More like, I’m about to now fuck you up. Yeah. Alright. Roman’s bad. Okay.
So we’ll we’ll catch you for the movie. Alright. Alright. Bye now.
