Me Talk Pretty One Day – David Sedaris – Episode 138

The Buddies crack open David Sedaris’s “Me Talk Pretty One Day,” a collection of essays about his childhood, being an artist, and speaking French. Or as the Buddies characterized it, ‘Bohemian Bill Simmons without the basketball references.’ The Buddies navigate through stories about terrible dads, fancy French dinners, and the eternal struggle of learning adjectives in Paris while desperately missing going to the movies. They got to talking about judging people, the Walkman, and debate the merits of crystal meth addiction. Want a quick read, and fun book to open up while at your in-laws (or on the toilet), well look no further, join the Buddies as we also try and talk pretty one day.

Intro/Book Report (0:00-2:01)

Stock Up/Down (2:02-35:45)

Favorite Scene (35:46-38:37)

Love/Hate/Reviews (38:38-46:22)

Conclusion (46:23-49:06) 

NEXT BOOK: 1984 by George Orwell 

Transcript for SEO purposes 🙂

All right, welcome to Book Up.
I’m Dylan, here with a man that also aspires to Talk Pretty One Day.
Keith, what’s up buddy?
I was gonna say this was gonna be the name of our podcast initially, and we realized
it was a book name, so we changed it.
Here at the Book Up, we’re working on some best-sudders, and this week we’re just
discussing Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Siddharis.
If you’d like to recommend a book for us to read, reach out to us in the past episodes,
you can visit our website, bookup.com, or sign to our DMs, our Instagram, that’s a
buddy book of podcasts, list of his iTunes, Spotify, we get your podcasts.
Please download, subscribe, buy some reviews, or great, please, and thanks, Keith 4.01
on Goodreads just over the 4.0 mark.
I don’t know if I necessarily trust Goodreads for a book like this.
What do you think?
How will comedy, I think, is different for everyone.
What was it like, old school got like a 10% when it came out?
Grandma’s boy has like the biggest despair on…
Oh yeah, Rontomato Variance.
Rontomato Variance.
Read the blog.
I guess we don’t read…
Well, I mean, it’ll be a part of my stock up stock, yeah, so I’m not gonna get too far
into it, but we don’t read a lot of comedies or whatnot, and I know that in terms of…
If someone’s to ask me like, what can be comedy books or whatnot, I would recommend
or have read, I don’t know what I would say.
Can you think about any funny books that you’ve read that you’re like, oh, this is in the
realm of comedy and I’m laughing.
I never really laughed at laugh at books.
No.
So this is Sederris’, I think it’s his second or third essays.
He had Naked for essay collections.
Naked in 1987, Holidays on ice, I don’t know if I’ve ever heard of that one, and then
me talk pretty one day, so probably one of his more famous ones, I know when you’re engulfed
in flames was pretty big too, but yeah, David Sederris.
Let’s get into some stock up stock down, Keith would he have for me talk pretty one day.
Judging people, stock up.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
My dad always said, let he without sin cast the first down.
He?
He’s not very religious, but I think that’s the one thing he took from the Bible.
But that just means like, closet isn’t clean.
He shouldn’t be like, shit, none other people, you know what I mean?
I don’t think you need to explain.
I don’t know.
I didn’t know people knew that saying was the first time.
He says it all the time, so I just assume everyone knew it and I would drop it once
a while and people would be like, what the fuck did you just say?
He’s like, yeah, and you know what that is.
Yeah.
Anyways, a lot of stones are being cast in this book.
A lot of stones.
I mean, he’s absolutely ripping his parents.
Just absolutely destroying them.
His siblings, his teachers, his friends, little people, I won’t say the word he’s saying,
none, none, in 2026.
Americans, French, artsy people, non-arty people, sports fans, himself.
Yeah, himself too.
So everyone’s getting judged in this book, which, and I think the big thing, and this is
probably like the first thing I want to make sure I get out there is like, the audio book,
I really don’t think does this book a lot of justice because his tone on the stories
that he’s reading to a crowd, this book is significantly significantly funny.
I don’t know if you thought the same thing.
But when he’s reading to the crowd, he’s so much more animated and the, the, the, the
tone changes dramatically.
On the audio book, he’s like, like the first two chapters, especially I was like, this is
depressing as fuck.
He’s really so-in and depressed.
He’s like talking about having a slur, but he’s not doing in a self-deprecating way.
He’s doing it in almost like, or at least the audio, oh did I, what did I say, slur, no, yeah,
less, yeah.
And the, like, the live reading, he’d be like, the thing about my father is he loved to
talk about music.
Like, that’s how he’d say the live.
And then, and the audio book, he’d be like, my father insisted be only listening to his
music.
He forces his it down, growing, but if you read that, like that, like that, oh, is dad beat
something?
Yeah.
It seemed like the ones that weren’t live, he was doing the audio book, like he was just reading
the audio book.
And the live ones, it seemed like he was telling the story.
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Because yeah, I was going to say my first, oh, are you done with your stock up?
Oh, one thing actually, that pickpocket story judging people, that was made up, right?
That wasn’t real.
That was, that was two, it was too much.
Yeah.
It was funny, I was going to say that at some point, but that’s the one when he’s in France and
they think he’s a pickpocket.
And he comes on and they’re like, oh, that’s as accomplished right there.
Yeah.
It went this whole like, like, like, strap against story.
And then they’re like, and then I didn’t confront the guy and I was like, that’s it.
That’s the story.
Yeah.
Anyways.
Yeah.
Well, I’ll talk about that too.
But my first, my first stock up was the Walkman.
And he references the Walkman in one of his stories.
Okay.
I was, but basically saying he was learning French in France and started getting like French
audio, French learning tapes, whatever they’re called, learn on tape for his Walkman.
And he was anti-Walkman, but also then was able to put the Walkman in and found it to be
a super enjoyable way to move around a city because people aren’t really into, I mean, nowadays
it’s hilarious because this is everyone, right?
Everyone’s got your buds in.
But no one’s going to ask you for directions if you got headphones in necessarily in the
90s.
But one, I loved my OG Walkman, big fan.
I had the arm strap and everything.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Because I was like, you know, I’m going to go running.
I was like 12.
So I’m going to run before.
You’re before it’s like a big doll.
Basically.
Yeah.
That’s crazy.
Didn’t end up doing that really.
And jog for like a hundred feet.
I was like, what the hell am I doing?
But it also opens up a whole new world, which is what happens to him, right?
He’s able to learn French and walk at the same time, which is why we are always, you know,
talking about the virtues of audio books.
I was actually thinking about this as I was listening to 1984, which is the next book we’re
doing.
And it’s the part where he gets the book from the guy and it’s basically just an entire
really long chapter of the guy reading what society is.
It’s kind of boring, honestly.
It’s not the story.
It’s like the part of, I don’t know if you’ve read Moby Dick, but there’s a period in Moby
Dick where he just talks about whales.
It just becomes a whale respect like all maniac, you know, the right whale is this and it
has these characteristics.
The sperm whale is like, it goes on for an hour.
And so I was doing yard work at that time during Moby Dick and I thoroughly enjoyed it
because I was doing yard work.
Guys, I don’t care.
I’m going to learn about the right whale in the sperm whale right now.
And similarly with learning French or enjoying a part of 1984, that might not be the most,
you know, enjoyable part of that book.
So yeah, stuck up to the Walkman because it brought us, you know, the Walkman Walked so
the iPod could run and so that our iPhones could sprint and we would always just look
at them and consume social media and such things like that, make ourselves dumber.
But yeah.
I really think that really placed this book in the the 2000 and 90s.
I feel like it wasn’t, other than that, you could have, the story’s could have been taken
place today.
I feel like.
Well, I don’t know about that.
He’s talking about writing letters to people and he seems really at like when you go to
France, yeah, when you go to France, he’s talking like, he also talks about hating the internet
and not really knowing what the internet was, but then getting on the internet and it was
like cake farts or something.
I don’t remember what the website was.
But it was.
Yeah, that’s something.
Yeah, that’s the issue.
And basically everyone’s asking what should we do and the answer just like sign felled,
the answer is let’s go to the movies.
So yeah, it very much dates itself in the 90s.
That’s it.
I’ve also been watching sign felled religiously.
So I’m like, yeah, what’s wrong with it?
Good for you.
Yeah.
What else do you have for stock up?
Stock up, slaughterhouse five.
Oh, you mentioned books that were somewhat comedic.
I think slaughterhouse five, I Kurt Vonnegut, which we did in the pod.
It was literally about to say never read it.
Do you remember?
I don’t remember.
Shit, I guess.
I got to check that out.
It’s funny because we get done with the pod and you’ll be like, oh, you should probably edit
this or just say, I remember saying this and I was like, I don’t remember talking at
the park.
I don’t remember one thing I said.
I don’t remember what you said.
I was like, listen to the edit and I was like, I’m like, laugh.
And I’m like, I don’t remember this at all.
So yeah, then you have short term memory loss or short term memory loss.
Well, I’m like, oh, and I’m public speaking.
That’s the difference.
Yeah, I got a call with a client.
I just speak and then I’ll be like, I’m done.
And I’m like, so what do we talk about again?
I don’t remember.
But anyways, a slaughterhouse five is a stock up because if you describe this book, it’s a
cynical look at the world using dark humor and then random rants and ramblings, I guess,
in kind of in a book.
And that’s what slaughterhouse five kind of really was.
But the difference between this and slaughterhouse five is everything’s draped in anti-war.
So there’s a theme around it.
So you’re kind of laughing, kind of joking.
It’s kind of dark humor, but you’re also like, oh, I see what he’s trying to get across
a little bit.
And then you’re not forcing down your throat.
It’s just kind of like the realities of things.
I’m not sure what the message of this book was.
I mean, at certain times I felt bad for him.
Other times I hated him.
Other times I liked him.
I thought it’s other times it was funny.
Other times it was corny.
It was just a weird combination of what was going on.
I couldn’t really get a grasp on anything.
The way I described it, a few ways to describe it.
Going.
It was like a bohemian Bill Simmons writing.
OK.
I get it.
Yeah, but not enough like sopranos, references or definitely basketball references of the
wire.
Yeah, he’s pulling the like artsy references, which I’m like, alright.
And then which is probably why I didn’t understand it as much.
I also think this is like a show or there’s a book for like people that like the show
for Asia.
Where I’m more of like, this is like a high class comedy where I’m like a gritty sunny.
It’s always sunny for the off you low class person.
You know, I mean, like that’s the difference is like that’s why it didn’t resonate with
me as much.
But anyways, I’ll just say Sarah has five, I think, to did what he was trying to do better.
That’s all I say.
Yeah, it’s an interesting take because it makes me think about was he trying to do something
or was he just sharing his thoughts, putting his thoughts on paper, you know, someone journaling,
realizing their journals are funny and then or someone else reading their journals.
Is this funny?
Like there’s a funny story you should, you know, you should publish it when someone’s
like, that’s absurd.
I’m sure he is considering he grew up in a like situation where his, his sister’s famous,
you know, Amy Sideris is an actress and comedian.
I’m sure there is an interest in him to be in the spotlight.
So, you know, embellishing stories or he’s a good writer.
So he’s using that, but if he, you know, I’m just wondering if there’s a general purpose
for the whole thing or if it just happens to be a collection of different essays that
he wrote and there’s not necessarily like a central theme or whatnot that goes through
it because the first half is kind of like his childhood and his family and then the second
half is all France and stuff happening in France.
So I’m just wondering, I wonder, I’m sure he probably isn’t interviewing somewhere if
he’s like trying to say anything in these or not.
Obviously he’s trying to say like how odd and uncomfortable it was to, you know, be a
gay boy in Raleigh, North Carolina growing up.
Yeah, uncomfortable.
That was clearly.
And growing up with a list was uncomfortable and confusing for people around him, I guess.
Maybe I guess because he’s touching on such real-world things.
The chapters, I think I enjoyed the non-secretar about animals they had growing up.
I was like, oh, that’s kind of funny.
Like it was a funny chapter.
There’s no point Asia to it.
I also had a way, did not know, Euthanasia was how it was spelled.
I thought it was.
I honestly thought it was spelled.
I mean, not into my 30s, but into my team.
Yeah, oh, yeah, 100%.
That’s it.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, I agree with that.
Yeah, you’re the guy that thought Archive.
Wait, it’s Archive.
Archive, that’s Archive.
That’s just because of 007 Golden.
I just read the level, right?
Oh, yeah, that is.
That’s true.
I don’t think about that.
All right.
Nice.
Thanks for backing me.
You didn’t back me in the day when I said that.
No, of course.
I’m an asshole.
I had to make a big show of it and say, hey, everyone know that.
Hey, this guy, you guys are phoning.
Exactly.
My next talk up is those guava candies.
You get adhesion restaurants on the way out.
Do you know what I’m talking about?
Mints?
No, they’re like–
I don’t have a guava candy.
They’re getting a little green wrapper.
If you go to the right Asian restaurant, they’re phenomenal.
They’re really hard.
And why they’re so good is because they’re sweet.
They’re a little sour, but they’re just a total palette cleanser.
If you go in there and you just hit the buffet hard and you’re coming out, you’re feeling
that sesame oil just right on your lips, that chow mein slapped up in there, you have one
of those and it just cleans your palette.
This was what this book– that was– you know, that’s what this book felt like for me.
We’ve just been, you know, all over the place really, but for the most part, staying in our
zones with fantasy stuff and then some crappy thrillers.
And this is so out of the blue, this book, that I really enjoyed it in that sense.
That it was– it’s five hours long.
It’s a five hour long audiobook.
It’s a bunch of different short stories.
Yeah?
They’re funny, they’re cynical, they’re like laugh out loud, funny.
I didn’t– you know, I grew through there.
It wasn’t like I was, you know, yuckin’ it up.
But they were enjoyable.
I like the way he writes, I like the way he talks.
So for five hours slip in, it was great.
Was I also reading Lord of the Rings at the same time?
Maybe.
Maybe.
But that’s none of anyone’s business.
All right.
All right.
Does you have any other stockups?
No.
Couple quick ones.
Well, I already said going to the movies is a stockup because it’s all they talk about.
He’s like, we go to France and we’re just– he just wants to go to the movies.
And I miss it.
I honestly do.
We were chatting on the side about Project Hail Mary.
We didn’t episode on it.
We’re like, would you go see the movie and do it up on the movie?
And I just want to go to the movie.
Honestly, I want to take the wife.
I want to go to the movie.
I want to say it.
I want to have some popcorn.
I don’t do that enough.
The last movie I saw in theaters was The Dungeons and Dragons movie.
It was like four years ago.
Yeah.
Terrible.
Wow.
Yeah, that’s bad.
Yeah, you got to get it.
Yeah, it cleans your palate from that.
Absolutely.
I feel like every Nolan movie you got to go to the theaters for, I feel like–
I know.
I know.
I just–
So like the new one coming out, I feel like you got to go.
This– probably, the Hill Mary, it sounds like it’s a theater movie, also.
Oh, the Odyssey?
I’m definitely going to see that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Project Hail Mary, same way.
Definitely seems like a theater movie.
All right.
We got to see that.
I’m going to try maybe this way this weekend to nail it down.
I’m going to wait this weekend.
But probably next weekend.
Oh, next weekend.
I’m going to find a sitter.
That’s the problem.
Another stock up math.
Talking about having a sitter, math.
Oh.
I just stocked out.
Oh, why?
He’s so productive.
I mean, it’s not really that is, you know, it’s not channeled productivity, but it was funny,
just– I thought that was a funny story, just in general, of him and his art friends doing a bunch of math and trying to come up with
crazy art situations in New York City.
And then he’s like the next chapter.
And he’s like, and then I’m a teacher.
I was like, wait, what happened to the method addiction?
Yeah.
I wasn’t know how exactly–
I wanted to know how he got out of that hole.
Because, yeah, having that handy seems pretty dangerous.
His dad was funny in that one too.
I think his dad is probably the best character.
Granted, it’s not like a character thing.
He’s a real person.
They were supposedly going to adapt this to a film.
And it had a director to it.
It had a script, like a writer director.
It had who David’s there is approved of.
It had a script.
And then supposedly he talked with his sister and pulled the plug on the whole thing because he wasn’t sure how they were going to portray his family.
And I thought, but how have you–
Yeah, man.
He’s like, in the best light, I think it’s hilarious.
He’s a guy I want to hang out with.
Well, remember how he described his other sister, not the famous ones?
He’s like, yeah, my dad always hated all the other sisters.
They’re all ugly and fat.
And I was like, what the hell?
And then I was like, that really shouldn’t have your dad.
But then I’m also like, if you’re reading it and you’re the other sister, it’s like, that’s what dad thought of me.
Like, you know what I mean?
What the hell?
They knew.
They knew.
He seemed just like a typical dad.
He’s like, oh, listen to this music.
And he’s like pissed that he wants his son to get into the same music that he’s into.
Just trying to bond with his son.
Well, it was my last talk up was “Fat Suites” because that– because of that situation with the story and his sister.
I thought that’s the funniest.
That wasn’t laugh out loud, funny, but in terms of me picturing someone walk like coming back from Thanksgiving or something like that and just wearing a fat suit.
And it’s theater, you know, movie quality, fat suit and convincing their parents they gained a lot of weight is actually hilarious.
It should be an Eddie Murphy movie or something.
I also don’t think his dads are on being like, yeah, you gained a lot of weight.
Yeah, if you’re going to be back with a fat suit.
Obviously, where he’s coming from isn’t from the right place.
You know, it’s from vanity.
But that’s what’s here, say.
He’s like–
That’s true.
He’s like, I want you to live a long life. I want grandchilles.
I want you know, all these things and he’s maybe he’s, you know, portraying it incorrectly.
So I didn’t care for it.
You should come home with a fat suit.
I think you should.
You just mean I just go into New Orleans and he’s a couple of Ben Yees and I did that.
Oh, you go to Cafe de Morte?
No, I was going to go to the airport, but I waited in line, the TSA line for four hours.
No, I didn’t.
No, luckily I actually cut the line because two of my buddies who waited in line for over four hours were still looking for me.
Four hours were still in line when I showed up.
They were, and I literally just swooped in and so, and I was like, wow, I cut the whole line and then I waited in line for two hours.
And no one said, no one said anything when you hit the line, that’s, I would be–
Well, they were, they’re like, I keep coming here.
I mean, people were doing that because people were going to bath around people because you’re in line.
They’re really four hours.
So you’re just standing for four hours?
Oh, yeah. It was, it was rugged.
Stuck, damn.
That is wild.
I see it on the news and I’m like, okay, I–
That’s where I–
I’m like, maybe, maybe not because I flew.
I went to Detroit and there was, I mean, Greenhide was Boston to Detroit, but there was no one there.
I mean, a Sunday was really, really bad.
There was no one there.
And I couldn’t imagine you had kids, you got old people.
Oh, my God.
Holy, yeah.
Four hours, holy shit.
Yeah, that was minimum.
They missed their flight.
I think they showed up three hours earlier.
They missed their flight.
They had to rebook it till later.
So they stayed in, they, imagine waiting in line for four and a half hour or four, but it was over four hours for them.
And then finally getting in and they had to pay like a seven-hundred-dollar transfer fee.
Oh, these other things.
Mine.
And then still flying out of super late.
Yeah, so brutal.
Yes.
But, um,
Well, we’ll talk about that for 1984.
Holy shit.
That is–
So yeah, no more stock ups for you.
Stock downs when you get–
Well, I’ll just finish the crystal meth one, because I just stocked down on that.
That is mostly for this podcast, say, because the effects of crystal meth are that you ramble upon about nothingness for hours straight,
going to wild conspiracy theories with people around you just nodding and being like, “Oh, okay.”
And you just letting you talk.
That’s what this podcast is.
Imagine me, or maybe I’m on crystal meth, I just don’t know, because that’s all I do.
So I was like, “Wow, that was suckable, that was all I had.
Imagine me, a hundred X, what I’m doing currently.”
Out of all the drugs, I feel like that’s the least interesting one in my mind.
Yeah, is it just speed?
Is it really different?
Well, it’s– yeah, I mean, it’s got to be extra.
I have no idea, but it’s–
Yeah.
I’ve seen it portrayed on film, and it doesn’t sound that fun.
The other ones, I could probably get into in the right situation.
I mean, we’re talking like Morphean here, not heroin or something like that, but–
No one would be like that.
Yeah, that’s– that was one of the– the wife recently was like, “Oh, I’m gonna make it out
that recently.”
But she said, “I want to watch record for a dream.”
I was like, “You might have to do that alone.”
I know, I know.
I think that’s one of those movies that’s a one in done for me.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The soundtrack’s money, though.
The 2008 Celtics used that song for their intro.
I was fucking off.
But it’s true.
They did.
Brought me right back to it.
That’s sad.
My first talk down, telling the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help you, God.
Talk down.
Okay.
So the haters, and maybe your hater, will say that parts, if not entire stories, sedairs rights
are made up.
And what do I have to say to that?
Oh, who cares?
Honestly, who cares?
I think that he writes it in a way, except I will kind of agree with you, the pickpocket
one.
I was like, “Mmm, that seems to be right.”
But the rest of them, he writes in a way that doesn’t feel like they’re contrived.
So, if it’s a ruse, then I’m happy to believe it because it was an enjoyable ride.
It’s not an autobiography of someone that’s super important.
You know what I mean?
That is saying one thing happened, that didn’t happen, that’s changing history.
This is him talking about a couple of Texans who he saw on a train in France and thought
he was a pickpocket and talking out loud about how smelly everyone was.
So, you know, whatever.
If it gets a laugh, that’s part of a job.
Half of Nor Mcdonald’s bits are him telling just completely fabricated stories that are
blatantly obviously fabricated but hilarious.
So…
Well, we’ll say that if his stories were…
I mean, the whole Americans are dumb and French or mean cliches is like, “Alright, we’ve
heard this before.”
So, if it’s completely out of the left field, I think it would be funnier, but the pickpocket
one stands out because it’s such a cliche.
Things and it’s like, “Well, that sounds made up and now it’s cliche so it’s like not even…
Yeah, it’s double, double dosage, I would say.”
But yeah, other than that, I think…
Yeah, all the other ones were…
I’m 100% fine embellishing one.
Like, the little person one, 100% embellished, but I liked it.
He thinks so.
Which part?
Which part?
When he was just a horn dog?
And…
What’s the deris here?
The deris is like 12 or something and he’s being like…
That’s my point.
When I look back at my piano teacher, he wore like an ascoff, had multiple earrings.
Was he a pirate?
He just…
Yeah, exactly.
So that’s my whole point.
I’m…
Subscribe
Steve the pirate.
I would do my scales wrong and he’d be like, “This fucking kid is the worst piece I should
ever, but that’s me embellishing a story of me remembering it.”
Realistically, he was probably really, really nice, you know?
Yeah.
Just like, just like, “I’m so good at piano that I don’t understand why you suck at it.”
Nonetheless.
This is writing stories about his childhood when he’s between the ages of 10 and 14.
There’s dialogue in there that he’s writing.
There’s no way that that’s accurate.
But he’s trying to tell a story and also come to a point at the end of it, which, you know,
not a big political point, but almost like the end of a joke or something like that.
So yeah, obviously those are made up.
And, you know, something may have happened to him on a train with a couple from the US.
I’ve been in foreign countries and seen some Americans there and I would believe it that
they do act as if, but yeah, I just don’t care that much if it’s not necessarily like word
for word the truth.
It doesn’t matter to me.
And I don’t expect it, honestly, who is that kind of memory?
It’s like he’s writing home and journaling immediately.
Oh my god, I gotta get some paper.
What else do you have for stock down?
Well, the last one, it’s kind of a two-parter though, speaking of French and being relatable
stock down.
So speaking of French kind of sucks.
I thought it was like four chapters worth, but then I looked at, I was reviewing the chapters.
It’s the whole part two is like trying to learn French.
He does like the whole chapter on like the genders of French and I was like, I’m not going
to lie to you.
I barely understand English.
When you’re talking about how like adverbs are hard there, I’m like, I don’t know what
that is.
Like I don’t know any of that shit.
Like I don’t know any of those rules.
So in that kind of relates, goes right into my being relatable stuff.
It’s just hard to relate to this book because he’s one very, very smart obviously, very
very artsy, but he’s talking about how like going to fancy dinners and people not eating
the right food and spending half the year in France and like going to the movies all day
and stuff working.
I’m like, who is this for?
Like what the, he’s like complaining about these things.
I’m like, bro, you’re living literally the dream right now.
What is going on?
And he’s like, can you imagine a heartedist to speak French though?
And I’m like, that’s your struggle.
I mean, I mean.
There it is.
This stuff is not super relatable, which also makes it tough.
And I have this in my hate too is like, you know, I’m a big, big, big guy, a fan of self
deprecation.
The biggest.
But imagine like Conan, who I think is the epitome or the best person ever doing it, being
super mean to everyone all the time.
And then also turning on self deprecate.
It’s like, it doesn’t work, you know what I mean?
Like the only way you can be self deprecating is if you’re genuine and nice and then you make
funny yourself because people and then people are like, ah, it’s funny.
But if you’re just like a dickhead and then you’re like, oh, but I’m such, I’m such a, you
know, whatever, whatever, which he kind of does a lot.
He’s like, shitting on tons of people and then he’s like, but then I wasn’t smart
of stuff.
And you’re like, well, I’m not really going to feel bad for you now because you’ve just
been shitting on our own.
Yeah.
Well, self deprecators aren’t looking, you’re not looking for sympathy, right?
No, you’re looking for a laugh.
But at the same time, it’s not as funny because you don’t think it’s genuine.
I think Conan deep down is like saying things that he’s heard or believes and things like
that and he’s turning it so to make it funny for himself, like, or to other people.
So it’s like a shield, right?
You’re like using his armor for the benefit of everyone else instead of, but like, he’s
like kind of projecting hate towards everyone and then pretending like, oh, but also I’m
insecure.
And it’s like, all right.
Well, you’re not doing it the nice way.
I don’t think I don’t know.
Yeah, I know it.
It does.
It does.
I guess Ellen would be a good example.
Ellen does like the goofy stuff and everyone’s like, oh, she’s so nice and gentle.
And then you realize she’s a huge bitch to everyone and you’re like, oh, wow.
This is a bit, it’s like a whole stick.
Yeah, you’re like, you’re not even, this is all fake, you know?
Yeah.
And it wasn’t that funny to begin with and now it’s definitely not funny.
So for the front stuff, you didn’t like his story when he compared his childhood to
his childhood growing up in Africa.
That was good.
I was like, what the hell?
I mean, it was crazy and then he gets to the dead guy hanging and he’s just like, I, you
know, he’s staring.
I missed that while he was describing that child and I was like, is this a fever dream?
What is going on with this story?
Yeah, I didn’t realize he was telling the childhood of what was his partner’s name.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I was like, what?
What about the last one with his dad and what he eats?
I don’t remember that one.
It’s actually my next stock down.
So I’ll just go for it.
Stock down expiration dates on food.
Stock down because the last story tells Ali what he’s wearing is about the story.
About his dad who will just eat anything.
He’s like, he put a couple of jelly beans in his pocket and then like years later would
find them, but it was actually ended up being like, lint or something that he would just
eat it.
And there’s like no expiration dates ever, ever on anything and would just go for it.
So I love, I thought it was hilarious, but also secretly respected, but I don’t want to
be part of it, you know what I mean?
Like if this happened, I’m laughing at that guy, but if he was to make me dinner, I’d say
I’m sorry.
I can’t possibly eat that.
But yeah, it’s if you’re never sick from it, then good for you because obviously you’ve
created a gut of steel.
Well, I grew up out of you, but I grew up, I never once heard expiration date, sent it
in my household.
Like that was not it.
It was like, you put it in the freezer, wants to potentially go bad and then you bring
it back out when you want to use it and reuse it and don’t worry about it.
I don’t care how old it is.
There’s no expiration date in this household.
Yeah, I don’t I don’t remember it being a thing for sure.
I think I, I cook a lot now, so I, and I just get that’s a kind of content that I consume.
So I understand that X, I mean, expiration dates are also a bunch of bullshit like for eggs
or something like that.
I’ve been trying to tell Ellie, but she won’t listen to me.
Eggs, eggs totally never, like will probably never go bad if they’re in your fridge.
Really?
Yeah, like probably never.
And you can also like kind of do a test where you put them in a bowl and if they float
their butt, but even then they’re probably fine.
Honestly.
So eggs don’t expire.
Yogurt literally never expires.
If there’s mold, sure, and that’s only be, and that’s usually only because you’re using
a spoon that you licked or you’re using a spoon that used for something else.
But if you just only touch the yogurt, like that’s probably never going bad.
That’s a fermented product.
So you’re probably good there.
But yeah, it’s funny because my sister will go, you know, we go to my mom’s every summer
and my sister’s a little neurotic, we’ll say.
And my mom will have all this stuff, you know, all this stuff for the kids.
But there’s other grandkids that come in and out of the house like who knows when it was
bought.
There’s two fridges, you know, who knows, whatever the case is, but it’ll be an Apple
juice box.
And it’ll have expired last month or last week.
And she’ll be like, nope, my kids are not drinking that.
Is this the freaking app?
It’s a juicy juice.
I call it time.
That’s, that’s, that’s, that’s, some of those by, you know, those micro, whatever, calls.
Yeah, you did that.
You did that stuff.
Yeah.
What’s, uh, what’s Ellie throwing out?
What’s her, what’s her deal?
She’ll throw out like honey mustard that’s expired six months.
I’m like, honey, it’s still matter.
Yeah, I’m like, I’ve been eating this for the last six months.
It tastes fine.
Honey, honey and mustard, those are both for, like, mustard fermented and honey is all
sugar.
It’s hard to go bad.
And then like meat in the refrigerator for more than like three days.
She’s like, yeah, we got to get rid of that.
Coak to meat or uncooked meat?
Yes.
Which, oh, I’ve both got it.
Well, I mean, when it comes to raw meat, it’s really about the smell test.
You know, you give it the oil smell.
I think it’s everything.
It’s like milk, like I’ve drank milk that’s three weeks expired and I’ve also drank
milk that’s one week unexpired and the milk that, the one that’s one week is uninspired.
I’m like, holy shit, this is terrible.
I poured out, you know.
Yeah.
Heavy cream, it’s ultra-pasterized.
That will literally never go bad.
Buttermilk, one that will go bad.
I like this.
Milk is actually very dependent.
That’s why you can’t trust an expiration date for milk because it’s very dependent on where
you put it in your fridge and how often you’re opening your fridge and how often you’re
leaving it out.
I like this science discussion.
We got it on air.
Yeah, milk’s more about temperature change.
Okay.
Never store your milk.
Never store your milk in the door of your fridge unless you’re going through it pretty
quickly.
Well, that’s all right.
That’s all right now.
It’s good to know.
But you probably, you seem like the kind of guy who has milk with dinner.
I used to drink milk.
I used to crush milk.
I used to absolutely demolish milk.
And now I use it mostly for like putting in tea or cereal and something like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We go through a lot of milk here, but we had an 18 month old cycle.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Last one, stocked down parents pushing you to play an instrument.
So we’ve talked about the little person and him, who’s the little person who’s a music
instructor and him being David Siddharfs.
His dad like jazz and so on is a Dernas kids into a jazz troupe.
So what did what a David pick the guitar?
You played the guitar.
He had to name it something and he wanted to name it like all of her.
It’s like name your name your guitar after something hot.
He’s like all of it.
Something you love all of it.
But it got me thinking of when I was a kid and my mom encouraged us to take music stuff.
And I like listening to music.
Hate playing.
I just don’t have it.
There’s no, don’t have that ability, not in me.
Very jealous of those that do wish I could, but we had to pick one.
I was a big Simpsons fan at the time.
So I mean, still, I guess.
But Lisa played this saxophone.
Had to be in fourth grade to play this saxophone.
So you just start with a clarinet.
I picked up that clarinet and I was like, this is terrible.
So I used to have to hide my music book so that she couldn’t find it and I couldn’t find
it and play dumb so that I couldn’t go to class and take my music classes.
Yeah.
Nice.
Bottom of the hamper.
That’s the number one spot, bottom of the laundry hamper.
But you said that you played piano, right?
Your mom?
Was that at your own volition or was that pushing?
No, no, I wanted to quit every every year, every time I went.
My parents were like, when you get grow older, you’ll appreciate us that we put up, which
I do.
You do?
I really like piano songs now, which I don’t know because I played piano a little bit.
What do you mean?
You go to Howlett the Moon and listen to dueling pianos and you’re like, yeah, I mean,
he’s on that piano base.
I like better than like Tar base, I would say.
Could you, can you play the piano?
No, I’m terrible.
But could you, can you play Chopsticks?
No, this is the story I always tell is I’ve been practicing for five years and then we
do recitals.
Every recital I fucked up, every single one.
I never had a perfect, you know, like, and you’re so obvious when you’re that bad.
Like, missed a note or just totally screwed up?
Well, like, it’s when you’re playing like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, you can, it’s hard to tell.
So, like, you know, basically, my songs are harder and easier to fuck up is what I’m saying.
But anyways, I’m playing probably the most basic thing ever.
This is five years in.
The next person comes up that’s like first grade, I’m in fifth grade and plays something
10 times harder to be and I just watched it and they perfected it.
I said, I don’t think pianos are me.
Like, that’s like, that’s like, I don’t know if I can do this.
Were you allowed to leave?
Was that the piano, like, were your parents like, okay, you don’t have to do it anymore?
Yeah, once I got the middle school, they’re like, all right, this guy, I think they also
saw that recital, and we’re like, like, I just picture your dad with the video recorder
and your mom reaching over and just like pushing it down, like, don’t do it.
They don’t want to record this.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, mine was like a year or season or whatever the case was.
So it wasn’t going to work for me.
You don’t have to work it out.
No.
I mean, if they had just playing tool, I’d be fucking playing piano.
That’s the fact that I’m there.
I mean, I’m not playing like Beethoven’s like six concerto or whatever.
I always wonder that with music class.
And they probably do it differently nowadays, but it was the same kind of thing in school.
Why didn’t they grab something that the kids liked at the time and do it?
It doesn’t matter what it is.
Just do it, you know, it’s something that’s actually like in her parents’ school now, which
I’m like, imagine if you read her, I’d be reading, I’d be fucking crushing books all of a sudden.
Yeah, which we hired someone to be our guest.
We hired someone recently and she said she’d never seen the Harry Potter movies or Harry
Potter books and I was like, how did you get past the interview process?
I don’t, fuck it.
Don’t.
Leave right now.
Did you have a favorite of the short stories, a favorite one?
Yeah, I think I referenced it.
Is it the animal one?
I don’t know.
I read that out loud and I just thought it was a lot of jokes in it.
I thought it was like dark, fun, and fun.
That’s the youth in Asia, right?
When you started talking about how they varied all of his animals or something like that?
Yeah, and there was like callbacks in it.
It was right up my alley, comedy-wise.
So I was like, all right, that was when I was like, this book I think is going to actually
start picking up now and then it went back to him being like, and then we went to France
and I didn’t know the adjective.
I was like, God damn it.
Yeah.
David recounts his childhood pets and their demise.
Yeah, it’s all about his dad’s dying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don’t like put one in the oven or something like that.
Yeah, very potent.
Crazy.
Yeah.
None of them were, this is amazing.
I did like the little person music teacher one.
I just thought that was kind of funny how much of a horn dog he was and then, and then
Sanderra says something that’s not even like a pass at him, which is also creepy because
he’s a child and this is a grown man and I’m, I know grown man, but it is.
He makes a pass at him, but the guy’s like, I don’t swing that way.
It’s like, this is a child.
What do you think he’s actually making a, like a passie?
What?
I’m so confusing.
I did enjoy, I don’t, this one also seems kind of fake, but I did enjoy when his friend
came to New York and brought her crazy girlfriend.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
That one seemed real actually for some reason.
Oh, okay.
I was like, I know these people.
You do.
You do.
Yeah.
It made me laugh.
That one was really the, probably my most enjoyable, my most enjoyable moment was the idea
of the fancy.
I don’t know why.
Just, just gets me.
It’s just fancy.
I just thought about her as dad.
I was like, no, he’s really shit.
I was dad.
Yeah.
Which makes sense why they didn’t want to go for the movie.
Yeah.
It’s, well, I mean, the movie probably would have made, I mean, you’re not going to make
the dad unless he’s like a villain to look at like that much of an asshole.
Like, you just wouldn’t do that.
That’s why it’s weird to have it in a book like that.
Yeah.
At the end of the day, he cares about his kids.
He just does it in his own way.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
He wants kids to be skinny maybe because he’s got some vanity or whatever the case is fine.
He wants his kids to learn and instrument so that they can.
He’s also assuming these things, which is not like, you know what I mean?
Like, so that’s why I’m like, oh, it’s, he’s got a painting with a bad light here.
Yeah.
Well, he did say like, you’re going to need a boyfriend or something.
Oh, well, I mean, I think that’s his dad talk there.
I mean, especially like, we’re talking about 80s dads.
Like, come on.
Or some of these dads.
Yeah.
Like, is that really that bad?
But I don’t know.
I feel like he was painting them in the worst.
If he said, his kids like, fat, clean camp, then I’m like, all right.
Now he’s open.
Now it’s open for jokes.
But if you’re like, make one comment, it’s like, yeah, my dad was a piece of shit.
Oh, my sisters needed a lose away.
He didn’t give a shit about anything, but with their looks, I’m like, holy shit.
What about loves?
What’d you love about me talk pretty one day?
I know the stories.
I already mentioned live audience was great.
He’s really got into them.
And I liked the one ending in the computer one.
I don’t remember what that one was, but I like that ending.
I don’t remember what story that was.
I don’t either.
Wait, wasn’t that the one where he like goes to someone keeps sending him an email with
like a website that was like, cakefarts or something?
I don’t think he made that so.
Yeah.
Okay.
I like that he refused to, or you just changed all of the words so that he didn’t have
any asses in them.
Yeah.
To spite his teacher.
Yeah, I love that.
He said his vocabulary got a lot better.
He said to find other words for it.
Yeah, no, that’s that’s I appreciate that a lot.
And then I did like the first half of the first ever was his childhood stories.
Again, this is more like about being relatable and like, you know, I think there was a lot
more humor in that than like, oh, I in France, it’s funny that like something is masculine
for us.
Yeah, it’s like then I had to buy all the carrots, because I didn’t know that they were
like, all right, that’s made up also.
You can’t just point to something and say, I have one.
Come on.
So yeah, I like that.
I guess the last thing.
Oh, I do also think that I do see influence his influences on other writers.
I feel like he’s definitely this style has definitely been adapted or used, you know, from
a lot of other people.
So I thought maybe even the aforementioned like Project Hail Mary, like all of his books
with the first person, you know, monologue to the camera kind of thing.
It’s pretty yeah, their dire entries is basically what they are, right?
And in the Martian and Project Hail Mary and the other one we don’t speak about.
Yeah, I love the first half for sure.
I liked it more than the the French stuff.
When he’s talking about, you know, growing up as a gay boy and when asked what he wanted to
be growing up and steady, he would answer who he wanted to sleep with when he grew up and
he was like a policeman, a fireman or one of those guys who works on high-tension wires.
Like, that’s good, that’s good stuff.
The things I did like about the French stuff was probably just when he was in the class
with those other people and they had to talk about holidays and there was the Moroccan
woman who didn’t understand Easter.
She said, wait, there’s a bunny.
What’s going on?
And you’re explained to her, but you’re also explained to her in a foreign language and
it’s both of your second languages, but your first languages are different, so it just
must be confusing.
And then it got me thinking that if without knowing if any of this holiday stuff and people
started explaining, oh, there’s a giant bunny who comes in your house and leaves a basket
of chocolates.
It’d be very confusing.
The whole thing sounds very absurd and it’s like, oh, what is this to celebrate?
Oh, the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
But it made me want to look up what the hell, like, why that is a thing.
Yeah, probably some lost translation.
It’s like, yeah, so he’s risen and they’re like, and the word for risen was bunny or something.
They’re like, oh, bunny comes and you know, and then just adapted from there maybe.
I don’t know.
ox because he’s also Greek and they talked about Greek Easter which I have some friends who
are Greek and celebrate Greek Easter.
Rich, they roast a lamb which is phenomenal, by the way, when they roasted lamb.
But it always got me wondering because Jesus is the lamb of God, so you just cook a lamb
because of that or is there a different reason we’re cooking lambs?
We’re killing him again.
Yeah because he died we’re just going to kill other lambs.
I don’t know, don’t really get it but yeah.
That was a celebrate your first time you can eat meat or something, right?
Oh, could be the end of the lent.
Yeah, so you eat a lamb of God.
Got it.
Okay, sure, why not?
What about hates?
I think I kind of went over most.
I think it’s just probably not my type of comedy and it was just like, I didn’t relate
to it super well.
I think the kid stuff was good.
I don’t want to beat a dead horse here.
Yeah, I thought it was fine.
You know, I didn’t necessarily hate anything.
It’s a collector’s sort of story, so some are going to be good, some are going to be bad.
That’s just the way it is.
For listener mail/goodreads review of the week, I have to…
Goodreads is…
This is the best goodreads book thread I’ve ever seen.
So if you just want to be entertained, go through it.
It seems like there’s a lot of clouded minds out there, just people that maybe aren’t
so accepting of other people.
Every single review had to reference that he was gay.
And…
Yeah, I understand.
I’m not really…
Yeah, I understand.
I understand it’s reference once or twice in here, but it’s not like a thing.
It’s not like this is a book about being gay or something, but we got carried from good
reads.
She says, “If I were in someone else’s bathroom and there was no other reading materials
except for something by David Sedaris, I would pick it up and flip through it.
I probably would even find myself slightly amused.”
But my basic opinion about David Sedaris, which is that he is a boring, not very funny, mean
and bitchy and too lazy to write a novel would remain unchanged.
It’s like…
Wait, so you’d pick it up, you’d flip through it, you’d enjoy it, you’d find yourself amused,
but he’s boring, not funny, mean, bitchy.
And too lazy to write a novel.
I find it as the opposite of Toilet humor, so that’s why the analogy to me doesn’t make
any sense.
And too lazy to write a novel is a hilarious take to just throw on someone.
The guy is a prolific writer and orator.
What are you talking about?
What are you doing, person?
Talk about casting the first stone or whatever the case is.
This is…
Whatever.
But there’s a lot of these takes.
There’s a lot of these takes in there.
One that’s like a one star, maybe a two star.
And the guy is like, I loved the book, great book, love David Sidaris, next paragraph.
My mom went to a book signing and he was mean to her.
So two stars.
What?
Yeah, wild.
Actually, I respect that guy, that’s spite.
I’m fond of this story.
Honestly, yeah, I’m okay with that one.
Yeah, that’s my name.
I like the book, hate the man.
Yeah, I’m fond of that.
Yeah.
He’s also an artist.
I think most artists are kind of terrible people, so I think you just got a good
to take that with a great assault.
Yeah.
I think that’s proven, no, I think that’s so taking most artists are terrible people.
Most great artists, let me put it that way.
Okay, most great artists.
Name it like an artist that’s…
You know what, that person is like a really good person.
Michael Angelo seemed like quite the guy.
Wasn’t he a psychopath?
Or no, I think he was.
I think he was.
I think I was.
I think I was here.
Oh, that’s Van Gogh.
Yeah, he had like severe depression or something like that.
He had issues.
He was a terrible person.
Well, I should take a terrible person.
You know, what’s the artist suffering artists and things like that?
So they’re all tough going on with that.
Chapel Rounds getting dragged to the mud?
I’m like, who cares?
She’s a good at singing.
Who gives a shit if she’s not a nice person?
You know?
It doesn’t matter.
Yeah, I do always find that funny when we hold celebrities to be the best of people or
something along those sides.
They’re just people who are good at one thing.
We should just enjoy that thing they’re good at.
Why do they have…
Why are you asking them about the war in Iran?
Well, the best is a ship hell’s bit on…
Does anyone know what Jauru thinks of this?
Because they cut to Jauru after 9/11?
You’ve heard that bit before?
They’re on MTV and 9/11 just happened.
We’re going to bring Jauru and he’s a New York native and talk about it.
So he was talking about how any tragedy happens.
Because anyone know what Jauru is thinking right now.
Get him alone.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, Keith was the book four and what are you rated?
I think it’s four, maybe the upper echelon comedy fans, people that like the stories.
I’d like the stories.
Yeah, a little bit of high brow.
People read this in school, you know?
Oh, really?
Yeah.
It was like…
Oh, okay.
Maybe not this one, but one of them was definitely for one of the English classes was required
reading.
Yeah.
So, yeah, I think there was definitely some fun stories or some that weren’t so fun.
I think I would probably pick up a…
I already mentioned like a slaughterhouse five or some other book that’s more…
Or up my speed, if I’m looking for the dark humor angle.
So, I gave it a three out of five.
I think it was still solid.
I didn’t hate you.
The whole time I liked…
I enjoyed being there and it was short.
No, no qualms, but, you know, we’re viewing it.
I started like kind of downgrade things as I started to think about it.
I think three out of five is a very good number considering what…
The words that came out of your mouth were.
But I also gave it three stars, three out of five.
I think it’s totally fine.
It’s for someone that goes into someone’s house and they’re sitting there on a leather
chair in a living room.
Maybe, you know, you’re at your girlfriend’s parents house or something like that.
You don’t want to just like sit on your phone and you see a book like this in the book case
next to you.
You pull it up because you can read one little story or you can catch a couple of lines
and you’re like, “Oh, that’s fine.”
You know?
I’m not going to pick up most books in a book case.
But honestly, ever, we have a book case here.
It’s got phenomenal books on it that I’ve all read.
I’ve never touched any of them.
Never.
That’s the way book cases are.
They’re more for show.
They’re the show other people than your smart.
But I would pick this book up and read a couple pages.
Or there’s someone’s bathroom.
It’s a great bathroom book.
Oh, I just said it wasn’t bathroom humor, but damn it.
Yeah, it is.
It is.
It’s a great bathroom book.
Yeah, no.
I also think that it would get a higher rating if it were for…
I think that he did disservice not reading it better as an audio book.
If they were all live performances.
Yeah, I think it would have been way better.
Yeah.
Good take.
All right.
What are we coming to next?
We have the famous 1984 by George Orwell.
So jump on it.
There’s a typical high school reading, although I didn’t read in high school.
No.
There’s a lot of high school.
A lot of schools read it.
So jump on in, water is warm.
Yeah.
And then what’s after that, we get “Jarver Crumpy”?
Yeah.
The second book, “Before They Are Hanged By Jarver Crumpy.”
That one’s a little bit longer if you want to pick that up and get into book two.
Yeah.
Which is…
I do not remember anything.
I did a full review of…
I listened to the…like a full like summary and I was like…
All right.
I think I kind of know what happened and then I jumped into this and I’m like…
I’m like, “What’s going on?
I have no idea.”
That’s what the nine fingers guy?
Yeah.
So we’ll see.
Cool.
Well, I’ll see you for 1984 then.
All right.
I know.