BBC Reader Email – Getting Too Comfortable at the Urinal
Welcome to the second edition of Buddy Book Club Reader Emails. These are questions, pet peeves, and observations sent in from fans. Got something that annoys you, or need to get something off your chest? Reach out, send your burdens our way.
Buddies, big fan of the pod and blog. I got a situation that I’d like to hear your take on. I’m out at a bar, pull up at a urinal to take a piss. (See picture attached). I’m the guy on the right, and the dude on the left is leaning his elbow on the center piece. Height not drawn to scale. But the guy had serious encroachment issues. Do you give him a nasty look? Say Something? Do nothing? Let me know your thoughts. – James from Boston
Thanks James – great question. Side note – we’ve been looking for a graphic designer, you’re clearly over qualified, but consider this a formal offer letter.
This runs deeper than the mere action of leaning into your space, we must first understand the urinal leaner. Get inside his brain, live a day in his shoes.
Psychology of a Urinal Encroacher
Most likely reasons for why he’s acting in such a fashion:
He’s Blackout Drunk – Maybe the guy was doing the ol ‘Irish Two-Step’ aka he’s stumbling around and can barely stand, on account of being 8 whiskeys deep. Let’s just be proud that this guy found a bathroom and isn’t pissing under a table.
Has the Clap – We’ve all been here before, right guys? I mean… We’ve all had friends that have been here before. Did you hear the man struggling to urinate or making any sort of clapping noise to help move things along? Maybe he just needed a break and was leaning for support.
He’s Checking You Out – We all know the rules when you get to a urinal: stare dead ahead, and start replaying all the mistakes you’ve made in your life until you’re done pissing. Not a good look to have someone break these trusted unwritten rules. But, hey, one day you’ll be an old decrepit 35-year-old wondering what you’re doing out drinking by yourself again around a bunch of 20-year old’s, and you’ll be begging for that guy to be checking you out.
It’s a Power Move – There is a certain power dynamic created when you force someone to use the kids urinal. A supreme sense of confidence overcomes you. Most people ignore it, but this guy certainly leaned into it (see what I did there). This is the same person that takes the elbow rests from middle-seaters on airplanes. The bully in high school, the ‘I eat my steaks rare’ guy, the guy that revs his engines at stop lights, in short – he’s Vance Munson. This isn’t just someone leaning at a urinal, nay, this man represents is what is wrong with society. Please refer to action items 1 & 2 below for your only appropriate recourse.
Urinal Breached Etiquette Responses
Your options:
1) Immediately Throw Hands – You’re already in the short stall, he’s emasculating you enough, this gesture is over the top. Wanting to fight him is perfectly reasonable. However, I have a rule: ‘never fight someone when their dick is out’. I’ve made that mistake too many times.
2) Turn and Pee On Him – This guy wants to act like an animal? The only response is to meet force with force. No quicker way to get someone to respect your space than to brush them off your plate with a little chin music. Let him know ‘Ur-in my space” (get it? I’ll see my way out). That’ll teach him not to lean. Plus, you never know, maybe he’s into it.
3) Speak Up – Don’t want your fist/pee to do your talking? Speak up and give the guy a piece of your mind. Key here is too make sure you continue fixate your attention to the wall. Whatever you do, don’t turn your head and make eye contact while you’re both still pissing. That would be a far, far worse crime than what he’s doing. The lean is bad, it’s ‘disorderly conduct’ in the bathroom, but direct eye contact at the urinal is equivalent to manslaughter.
4) Do Nothing Because I’m a Coward – This right here is my default setting and what I would have done.
Thanks for the email James – keep them coming. Hotlines are open, reach out to us with whatever is ailing you.
