BBC Reader Email – No ‘Thank You’ After Holding Door
Welcome to the first edition of Buddy Book Club Reader Emails. These are questions, pet peeves, and observations sent in from fans. Got something that annoys you, or need to get something off your chest? Reach out, send your burdens our way.
I’m at a local bagel shop walking out, I see a guy behind me, so I hold the door for him. He proceeds to take 10 seconds looking at his receipt, checking his phone, and then finally walks through the door, without even saying ‘thank you’! I fired off a, “you’re welcome” after he walked out, and then he gave me a dirty look. Am I wrong here? What should one do in this situation? – Mike from Oakland
Great question Mike – holding the door isn’t exactly the hardest task, but there is a certain level of general politeness that is required. The worst thing is when you hold the door for one person, they walk through and then 15 people file in behind them and you get stuck holding the door for a minute like some kind of chump, just brutal. But I digress. To answer this question, we must first establish the proper etiquette around door holding time and the reciprocal level of gratitude.
Required Level of Gratitude for Holding Door
| Door Holding Length | Person Having Door Held for Response: |
|---|---|
| No Pause | No, 'Thank You' is required, you're not a hero, you opened the door, get over yourself. |
| Brief Pause | A head nod, wave, or 'Thank You' is encouraged, but not required. |
| 1-3 Seconds | A 'Thank You' with a smile, you did just inconvenience this person, trust me, 3 seconds feels like a a lifetime in the door holding game and in the bedroom… |
| 4-6 Seconds | Slight jog through door, heartfelt 'Thank You', or kiss on the cheek if you're a particularly attractive lady/gentleman. Chivalry isn't dead. |
| 7+ Seconds | You should be running through the door and if not, since you're treating this person like a doorman, a $5 tip should be handed out. |
Now it sounds like this guy is way past the 7 second marker. If this is true, he didn’t hustle through the door, and then offered no form of ‘thank you’, then I commend you for not resorting to violence. That’s Gandhi-like.
I’m not a lawyer, but I’m pretty sure if you openly attacked this man and assault chargers were brought in front of a judge, he’d throw it out instantly knowing the backstory. You start letting people get away with not giving a ‘thank you’ after a 10-second door hold, and you start destroying the very fabric of our society. Next blinker usage will stop, cutting in lines will be encouraged, people will start putting their carts horizontally in grocery aisles. Next you’ll have complete idiots taking over roller skating rinks and baggage claim carousels. Where does it end I ask you?!
As far as your response, the sarcastic “you’re welcome” was a nice touch. I may even consider adding an overenthusiastic bow or curtsy and dropping a “m’lord” or “your majesty” as they walk by. But then again these people are so oblivious they may think they deserve that curtsy.
Me I’m a bit sicker, so I’d probably continue going to that bagel shop every day until I saw that no ‘thank you’ guy again. Wait until he’s about to leave, pretend to hold the door for him then close it right before he’s about to walk through and let it slam in his face. Then, and only then would I truly have my revenge, and he would finally suffer the pain and consequences of his actions.
Well that got me all riled up, thanks for the email Mike – keep them coming. Hotlines are open, reach out to us with whatever is ailing you.
