Good Omens – Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett – Episode 25
The Buddies stare down Armageddon in Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s classic, Good Omens. The Buddies are joined by Matt (@mattythekid7) of Tupelo, Mississippi fame and discuss a wide variety of topics including: America bashing/communists, musk (the smell), going to heaven vs hell, drugs and rock & roll, talking to plants/strangers at gas stations, prostitutes/demons with a hearts of gold, ‘good’ haircuts, bathroom zoom calls, and much, much more. If you like a non-linear, footnote heavy, wild rides, than both Good Omens and this podcast are for you.
Intro: (0:00-5:13)
Favorite Scene (5:14-8:21)
Stock Up/Down (8:22-36:35)
Favorite Character (36:36-38:42)
Love/Hate (38:43-46:33)
Reader Email (46:34-50:29)
Casting the Movie (50:30-51:43)
Conclusion (51:44-53:35)
Next Book: THE INHERETINANCE GAMES by JENNIFER LYNN BARNES
Transcript for SEO purposes 🙂
All right. Welcome, Buddy Book Club. I’m Dylan here with Keith Anti Jeans and the adversary, destroyer of Baby Carrots, angel of the Bottomless, Cheese Box, Prince of Whalen and Lord of Sunny San Diego, leader of us. What’s up, buddy? Hey, how are we doing? You go right up to Dumb with that, right? You don’t write that down or anything. That’s just freestyled. Full disclosure. That one I wrote down. You know that one I wrote down. Well, here at the Buddy Book Club, we’re breaking down some best sellers. And this week we’ll be discussing Good Omens, the nice and accurate prophecies of Agnes Nutter Witch by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. If you’d like to recommend a book for us to read or reach out to us about any past episodes, you can visit our website, Buddybook.com, or sign to our DMs on Twitter or Instagram buddy Book.com Podcast. You can listen to us on itunes and Spotify, so please download and subscribe. Please review, if you can on Spotify and itunes. I don’t want to whore ourselves out, but sometimes you got to do what I do. Please raise your view. But, Keith, how many nipples have you got? Did you listen to the audiobook? I did. Okay. Is he your favorite character? I mean, I’m jumping the gun here, but can the narrative be my favorite character? Because that guy was amazing. Incredible. I thought Robin Williams could do voices, but this guy can literally do anything. When he was doing an American accent, I was convinced he was American. I thought there was multiple narratives. At one point, I was like, wait, this is the same guy. Let’s talk about Good Omens. I mean, we’re going to get into this stuff anyways. We got a lot of categories to go through. We got a guest on today’s episode. So Good Omens in itself, it’s a heartfelt tale about a boy and his dog, kind of like my Dog Skip starring Frankie Moon. Moon Is Jr. Right. Except the end the world is destroyed or potentially destroyed, accurate or not accurate. No, that’s on it. It’s a platonic love affair between an angel and a demon. A tale is all this time, quite literally, considering that they’ve been around since the Adam and Eve days. And that’s actually probably closer to what this book is about. But it’s really just a series of subplots, right? Culminating with the end of the world or potential end of the world. We got a Zero Fail and Crowley, we got the Them starring Adam the Antichrist, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, or potentially the Eight Horsemen, Newt and Arithmet and Shadwell and Madame Tracy. There’s, like all different stories that are going on kind of at the same time. It has almost like a snatch feel or like traffic. Is that the movie it is? No, not Traffic Crash. That’s the movie. I’m thinking of where at the end they all kind of get together. I thought it’s basically little Nicki, but with Britishness and intelligence level times 100. That’s what’s basically like the mix. Yeah, I think that checks out. It is very little Nicki, except without the pineapples up the ass. And no Hitler underrated picture, if you ask me. Oh, wow. You pull a picture, huh? Look at this guy. Yes. It makes you sound smart. Yeah, that’s a picky out type right there. Libation. Usually we get into a drink reference in the book because we’re going to enjoy this podcast together with all of you. But I didn’t really have them for this book. I feel like they just talked about like tea and coffee and Holy water. So maybe Covet. It works every time, kid. Every time. Yeah. So crack whatever you want. Maybe a can of condensed milk, whatever makes you happy and just go for it. But like I said, we got a bunch of categories we’re going to talk about. Favorite theme, we got some stock up, stock down. We’re going to pick favorite characters, love, hate, all the normal stuff we usually do. But I want to start a little background on this book because I guess I wasn’t aware that this was Neil Gaiman’s first novel. It’s got a 4.2 on Goodreads. Supposedly after Neil Gaiman was working on Douglas Adams biography called Don’t Panic. I think it’s like a companion guide to Hitchhiker Guide to the Galaxy. He wanted to give novels a shot. So he just started writing some ideas down and kind of wrote the beginning of a plot for this book and sent it out to some friends. And Terry Pratchett came back to him like, that’s a great idea. Let’s do it. And they did it together, which is pretty cool because Terry Pratchett from the Discworld series, prolific fantasy writer of Zon Accord and it really felt like it was written by one person. Just thought that was pretty cool way of doing it. And they just said that they were going to split the money right down the middle. And obviously for those in the know, Terry Pratchett has since passed away, but then it got made into an Amazon series. I just thought that was an interesting kind of origin story, if you will. Have you read Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy? I did, yeah. It’s very similar. I didn’t realize that Neil Gaiman had wrote the was it biography on that author similar theme and tone as that. It probably took a lot of influence from him for sure. And once I read that on Wikipedia source for all knowledge, it’s just everything clicked, especially with this book. I mean, he has the kind of writing style I feel like in other books, but especially with this book. But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. Let’s not reach the Armageddon before we’ve had our Adam and Eve moment. And I want an Adam and Eve moment with you. Keith, what’s your favorite scene from Good Omens I mean, the climax of everyone coming together at the military base, I think that was pretty cool. You already mentioned it basically like a snatch or a crash traffic. I thought it kind of fizzled. I didn’t think there was really much of a climax. Oh, this is going to be legit. Everyone’s coming together. And it was like, all right, that’s about it. So it wasn’t that great. I guess my real favorite scene would be then the Crowley versus the demons battle where they’re going through the phone lines where he’s using Holy water and he’s like, kind of conning them left and right. I just like Con, man. I liked Crawley as a character overall, so I thought that was probably my favorite. And I could picture that where a lot of this stuff and I’ll get into my hates too, but it takes you out of the book where he jumps around so often in so many things, but I could understand everything that was going on there makes sense. Whereas other stuff I’m like, what’s going on now? Where are they again? Yeah. That scene you’re talking about kind of started out like Home Alone with him dropping the Holy water and then turned into the Matrix with them traveling through the phone line. And I also had the end scene, the stopping of Armageddon. It was just like a fun culmination to the story where everyone comes together kind of like you said, and Adam does the whole like, no, my real dad is my dad kind of thing. You’ve never been my dad. It was nice. I enjoyed it. It wrapped it up. Although like you said, it wasn’t like a big finish. But I do like how they then followed that out with kind of a little bit more on everybody. I personally, though, my top two was either the paintball scene when Crowley and Zerfield realized that the baby was switched out and they go back to the mansion or what it used to be the hospital, and it’s the PayPal thing and crowds just like, all right, cool. I’m just going to make them real guns. It’s like, Whoa, what, dude? You’re going to have people start shooting each other. They won’t kill each other. They’ll be fine. You know what I mean? That’s what they want to do here. They’re shooting each other with paint. They have real guns. And I thought the little jokes in there in terms of the people that are living the cubicle life was kind of funny considering I have that a little bit myself. And this whole book was really just I feel like a series of scenes when they were writing it, it was like, oh, let’s write this scene out. Let’s write that scene out and then tie it all together. It was tied together well. So it didn’t feel like it was just kind of a bunch of short stories tied together. But the trivia night, the pub with the Four Horsemen when they come together, four Horsemen, the Apocalypse. But then the four Hells Angels guys start off being like, who are these wankers? And then go from that to being like, oh my God, these guys are so cool. We got to get in with that. They’re the real deal. I actually thought they were going to be something, but when they jumped through the fire, they all just died. Just nothing. They didn’t have any effect on the story whatsoever outside of the scene. But I thought the conversations between them, what version of the apocalypse they were going to be was pretty hilarious. We have a reader email about that very subject, so we can say that later. That’s I think was my favorite, but I really enjoyed the variety of scenes here. I’d like to introduce our guest, Matt St. Jean, sports writer at WTVA in Tupelo. That’s how we do it at Tupelo, Mississippi. And not one, but two time IBL All Star. That’s basketball League for those uninitiated. Welcome, Matt. I put that at the top of my resume. Two time IBL All Star, one time IBL MVP. So I’m really glad you guys did your homework on that. Well, as a two time Coed bowling champion, let’s just say real. Recognize real.
Yeah. Tupelo, Mississippi, man. Birthplace of Elvis. Yeah, on the map. Also not as popular down here, but also the birthplace of Diplo. Kind of polar opposites there. But yeah, that’s Diplo is Elvis son. Got you. So I never saw Walk The Line. I just saw Walk Hard. So that’s pretty much where I’m going for my. Oh, that’s Johnny Cash close. There is an Elvis movie coming out. It’s going to blow out the box office down here in Tupelo. Like more than Spiderman or any other movie. You won’t be able to get into the movies. That’s how much people are obsessed with Elvis down here. True or false? Elvis died with like £36 of shit in his intestines. True or false? I’m going to plead on that one for my viewership when I blast this out, I’m going to hope false. But I know he did enjoy a good but it’s a peanut butter and bacon sandwich, I think. That’s right. That sounds terrific. Delicious. Yeah. We talked about this last time, like interesting sandwiches and I went with the bacon and fluff, but Elvis had me beat. I think it was peanut butter and bacon. I saw this sandwich on Instagram. That was part fluff, part honey, part Nutella, part crunchy peanut butter and part smooth peanut butter. Oh, no, there’s one more ingredient. It’s diabetes.
One of the exports down here, for sure. Yeah, sounds good. We’ll edit that out. All right, well, we’re having Matt on because he actually brought this book to our attention. I mean, we had read some Neil gaming before actually on the podcast, but we hadn’t read Good Omens. And considering I feel like I get Amazon ads for it all the time. I figured, why not? I’ve read most of the other guys stuff, so I appreciate you bringing this to our attention. And he’s going to jump in and help us out with some stock up. Stock down. This is always kind of a moving target in what stock up? Stock down is, which is how we want it. So, Keith, let’s take us away with your first stock up for good omens. Prostitution. Stock up. Yeah. Already a strong stock. The world’s oldest profession. Yes, but Madame Tracy, who is just the prostitute with the heart of gold, which you love to see. And not only is she a prostitute, but she’s also the Secretary for Shagwell, a Cook, a nurse, a psychic, a medium. The irony, too, of her letting an angel inside of her, which is kind of funny, too. She plays that role of both the angel and herself there. Yeah, I just thought it was great to see and as someone that’s quite close to Tijuana and there’s a lot of brothels there, I might go there and check it out and find my Madame Tracy. And. Sounds like a stock up for me also. Did you say Shagwell? I heard Shagwell. I was shocked and dismayed when I found out when I looked up the book actually is named Shadwell. Yeah. No, that’s bullshit. This isn’t like the sidekick for Austin Powers. Felicity. Shagwell. Shagwell by name. Shag very well. By reputation. Is that you’re talking about? Yeah. Mike Myers. When he turns on to this podcast, he’s going to be very disappointed that he didn’t have an angry little Welshman named Shagwell in the Austin Powers movies. Don’t worry, angel. We reference Austin Powers in every single episode, every single time, no matter what. It’s not referenced enough. Thank you. That’s a great point. All right, Matt, what did you have? First up? So I’m going back to the very beginning of the book, and it stood out to me because it also has some political climate consequences here. And I’m going to stock up. Demon gas prices. Dude didn’t fill up his tank since the 1960s. Sign me up for that. Must be nice. Seriously, he’s been just riding around in that Bentley for free. 99 on gas. If that’s a demon Park, I’m kind of leaning towards the dark right now. I mean, gas prices is six point $66 right now. So I mean, same difference. It’s 666 in San Diego. It’s like 6 hours. That was more of a joke. 666. I’ll see my way out. Good being. I guess maybe it’s just because I’m extremely awkward. But it’s not even the price that bothers me. It’s having to pull into the gas station and have to talk to people. He doesn’t have to do that. He just drives around, you go to gas stations and people just start talking to you. Yeah, all the time. What? St. Jean, does this happen to you? This happens to me because most of my driving is done in a new vehicle. So I’ve got the big logo plastered on the side. And then you get like, the look than the look back. The look, the look back. It was like, you’re the sports guy. That’s kind of cool. Sure. Dan drives around in an ice cream truck, right? Is that why indeed, he’s trying to blur those kids? I mean, what? Or is it like Porat style where you just got a bear in the back of your van that comes out and scares all the people away? It’s more like dumb and dumber. I just got the shaggy dog van. People always ask questions. So for my first stock up, I’m going to go with talking to plants. So Crowley talks to his plants. He threatens and tortures his plants. And because of that, he has the best plants in London. Sounds absurd, but a study by the Royal Horticulturalist Society suggests that talking to plants really can help them grow faster. I mean, this is the thing that Mythbusters did. And if Mythbusters did it, you know, something’s going on. And what did they conclude? You don’t have to say nice things. You can say horrible things to plants and they will grow faster and taller. True story. They had three greenhouses. One greenhouse, they talked nicely to plants, another greenhouse, they said horrible things to plants. And the third greenhouse was their control, that there was no sound. Both first greenhouses outgrew the third. So Kylie is on to something. Just all the plant, your house plant person or now that it’s spring, lots of plants out there, just start talking to them and you don’t even just go out there. If you got hate in your heart and you got to let it out, you just go and yell at a tree and you’re really helping that tree. It’s probably one of the only things you can go and yell at, and it’s actually going to profit from it. Although according to this book, hearing a tree grow is quite alarming. That was kind of a twist. That’s a good point. Maybe start slow. Start out with like a Tulip. Just go out and be like, hey, fuck you, Tulip, and then see how that goes. Well, the good part is, unlike relationships, you might have, you don’t have to do any listening. You can just yell at them. You don’t have to listen to anything they’re saying back or however they’re growing. You can just talk to it. There’s no conversation needs to be had. And really, you’re helping in the long run. So I’m talking to all my plants now. I actually have a bamboo plant next to me, and I think it’s grown a lot since we started podcasting. And it’s not like a pet where you can give it a complex. No. Well, you might actually who knows? You never know. We don’t have the studies yet. Here’s a million dollar idea. We take the scarecrow and then you just add an audio element to it. So it’s talking the whole time you kill two birds with 1 St. Maybe not a million dollar deal, but that’s like $1,000 idea. It’s a billion dollar deal. Think about all the corn grown in this country. Yeah. If you just put a couple of scarecrows the speakers on them, think about how much corn we’d have already have a shitload of corn. Yeah, but we need more. Think about interstellar. What happens when the blank comes true. Keith, what did you have for Stock up Queen? Stock up the band. I mean, what the stock is as high as possible. It’s like buying Tesla. But I’m a big Queens fan, except for the one song, Bicycle Race. Have you heard that song? Song’s. Terrible. Worst song I’ve ever heard I used to listen to when I was younger. I hated it. You’re talking the songs like Bye Circle. Yeah, terrible Circle. But it was kind of interesting. The point Crowley makes about how all the artists are in hell, which is kind of weird because that they brought up Queen because he wrote this before Freddie Mercury died, which I don’t know if there was any pushback on him. Yikes. But anyway, long story short, I thought it was interesting. There was a quote from Billy Hicks he’s meeting. He’s basically like people talk to you about drugs, but if you went home and picked out all your albums, you have to throw all them out if you didn’t like drugs, because all those people are super high the whole time when they’re making all the music that you like. So similar concept here in this book made me want to listen to Queen when I was listening to other book, which I think also they should start doing is adding in music because this book had music cuts music into the audiobook. So Queen started playing. I don’t know if you’re really what I want. Yes, maybe if you could do it. Well, if you listen at the beginning, they credit Queen. So I thought it was going to start playing, but it didn’t. But they should. That would be a next element in audiobook. But anyways, I stock Up Queen went a really roundabout way there to say that. But yeah, giddy. Yeah, interesting, because I guess now my mind is blown because all those Raffy songs I listen to, I guess he was super high all the time. But he has such wonderful children’s music. Rafi. What, you don’t know who Rafi is? No. Do you know who you say, James? No, that’s lost on me, too. Wow. After this, you guys got to check out some Rafi tunes. How much plant were you talking to when you were smoking when you were listening to Rafi? Quote unquote? Well, I was like six. I don’t think I was listening to many. But yeah, like Rafi and Barney. That’s tough. And then also Keith how do you feel about T. Swift being in hell? No comment. Matt, what else do you have for stock up? Stock up? I’m going. Last chance for romance, my man. Newton Pulsiver, just taking full advantage of the apocalypse. Entered the apocalypse, entered Armageddon. A Virgin, exited a conquering hero, comes in, finds this hot witch, and she doesn’t even think he’s attractive. She’s like, oh, man, like, Agnes, why couldn’t you send me what I wanted? But whatever got to do it. And Newton’s just the Beneficiary. It’s just a legend. It’s just a legend. There has to be some shout outs to Orphana as well. He was like, oh, I haven’t done all this stuff. And the world’s going to end. And she’s like, what? You’ve never kissed a girl? And he’s like, no. And she’s like, Well, I got to throw my bone here. She knows. She’s like, I’ve been around the block, so I know what’s happening first with a vengeance. We’re not stopping at first. She helps him reach his goal, and I appreciate both of them for getting there during the apocalypse and then surviving afterwards. And also, that was an interesting scene because she was like, all right, I’m going to take a shower afterwards. Totally natural. And then he was just confused. He’s like, wait, do people shower after this? I’m like, Bro, you’re not clean right now. I’m going to run it back. D, man, my guy was like, yeah, let’s run this back. And why he burned the second book is because he’s like, I’m not letting this book dictate if I can run it back or not. Because that’s what you said. Yeah, it would have written if it was a second time. Yeah, literally dictate back for him to burn that second book that they got. Maybe you just want to bask in the Musk. I don’t want this smell to get off me right now. Why would I shower off this smell? This is a good point. Plus, they say that can attract others. It’s a natural mammalian thing. So maybe he was looking for maybe to mix it up, but also props to him for the refractory period. Because, Keith, you made a good point. He was immediately afterwards like, what’s up for round two here? It was like, Whoa, bro, go have a smoke and take a minute. Have a glass of water, have a cigarette, figure it out. But no, he didn’t need any of that. He was just ready. But I guess it’s just not teenagers. It’s people that just haven’t done it. So good for you. I kind of wish that he evolved from kind of being, like, this Meek person to gain Popeye spinach super strength, but he reverts right back to a little bitch when they go to the air force base. And Athena is just, like, waltzing into this air force base. He’s like, but what about the guns? They couldn’t hurt us. Dude, come on. You just were made a man. You got to keep it going. And I did appreciate how he just lied about what he does for a living. Classic move right there. But she’s like, all right, you’re a computer wizard. Like, figure this one. I was like, actually, I don’t know anything about any of this. I just totally made that up so I could get it on. She was like, well, pretty standard, really. My next stock up is condensed milk. There is not enough talk about condensed milk in the media. Matt, I blame you, considering you are in the media these days. It’s all almond milk and oat milk. All that bullshit. But condensed milk, it’s delicious, for one. I mean, bottom line, we really don’t need to talk about anymore. But I will. But condensed milk is one delicious. Two lasts forever. You don’t need to worry about is it getting spoiled or whatnot? It’s pre sweetened. So if you want some coffee and you want a little milk in it, you don’t have to add milk and sugar. You just put a little condensed milk in it. The Vietnamese figured this out. Vietnamese iced coffee. Maybe one of the most delicious things you can have. So good. If that’s not available, make your own, get a little iced coffee, put some condensed milk in it. Also, it makes a custard pie. Super simple. You don’t need to worry about all that other stuff. You can just mix basically some condensed milk and whatever fruit or whatever you’re looking for. Boom. Custard pie. And is there a better pie than a custard pie? Maybe people will say, like, Apple or blueberry. I disagree. I disagree. A custard pie, lemon meringue pie, a key lime pie, a pumpkin pie. Those are pies. Those are pies. And it wouldn’t be a pie without condensed milk. Not enough talk about it. I know we had a Communist on this podcast. You’re going with Apple pie. You serious? Apple pie is fine, but it’s not like, what are you like, did you say, like, key lime and lemon meringue? Jesus Christ, these are phenomenal pies. Yeah, this is phenomenal pie. I apologize, St. Jean. I do that’s tough. It’s tough to hear. I’m going to have to wrap myself in an American flag after I get off this podcast. Thank you. I may brave the tornadoes just to go to Kroger to get a premade Apple pie. Sanjay is going to take a shower. You just fucked him, Dylan, with communism. You know, you talk about how Vietnam has it, right, and then you bash Apple pie. I don’t know. What is this podcast that I’m on right now? Apple pie just. Okay. Is that like a good segue to stock down, by the way, condensed milk, the nutritional facts. Oh, my God. Don’t 166 grams of sugar. Yes, 85% of your saturated fat for the day. So in 982 calories, pretty healthy. That’s like a cup, though. Milk is like regular milk is nothing like that. But condensed milk is like, the viscosity is like glue. The fact that drinking it, which is the fact that Shagwell Shag later is drinking condensed milk. How do you even do that? It’s like, dumb. You have to chew it. It’s a liquid. You have to chew it. Makes no sense. But you know what? That just makes me like the guy even more. I’m going stock down hospitality of the cosmic persuasion, because based on what Crowley and a Zero Fail said, either you go to Hell and you can listen to awesome music and watch great movies, but you’re tortured the whole time, or you go to Heaven. You don’t get tortured, but you’re like, bored to death. Heaven and Hell have to get something right. And Heaven and Hell not having any conception of electricity yet. They’re watching what’s going on. Come on, guys. If we’re going to live a virtuous life, the end goal is to get to Heaven. Let’s have some perks here. I don’t want to get to Heaven and just have it to be like a wall flower, stand around. Can’t have it. Can’t have it. It’s a good point. It’s a really good point. I kind of felt like reading through this book. I was like, Going to Hell doesn’t sound so bad. What’s up with the torture part? It depends. We were talking about Little Nicky at the Open, and if it’s like the Hitler thing where you’re getting a pineapple up your butt every day, it’s like, just so you can watch, I don’t know, Fight Club. I’m probably going to pass on the pineapple of my butt, but that’s just me. Maybe other people that’s like, hey, that’s my kink. So we don’t kink. Shame. Here we do more detail on what the tortures were. Is it like seven layers of Dante where it’s like, oh, you are kind of bad. So it’s not a pineapple, but you’re still getting something up the butt. Yeah, but you can get all these cool movies and music. Maybe that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. I’m absolutely willing to take that. A Zero Fail didn’t even defend Heaven. He was just like, yeah, it kind of sucks up there. Yeah, I’m in a Cosmo quandary. I don’t even know if there’s beautiful vistas in Heaven and I don’t get things in my butt, then I’ll probably take it. But at the same time, I like movies. I watch a lot of movies, so if I can’t watch movies, I’m willing to be. Sodomized I think for some movies, Keith, what if the first layer of Hell is you get to watch Netflix, but there’s no skip intro button. Actually, this might be crazy, but I watch a lot of intros. I don’t mind them. I don’t mind them. The Ted Lasso intro quite enjoyable. I do skip like a Sopranos intro. That’s a hard skip. Yes. If I had to watch that every time, I’m not going to hell, I’m going to heaven and just watching a waterfall for the rest of my life. Keith, what do you have stuck down telemarketers and bike? The cumulative property. Me and D Man stock down two things that they kind of really harp on. This book that it seems like Neil Gaiman and Terry Patrick hated were one, pollution people that like polluting or environmental issues. And then two, telemarketers. They just fucking hated them, which makes sense. The book was written in 1990. I thought the book was written in 2007. Why do they care about that? What’s going on? Telemarketer is not that big of a deal. But if I had to say what today’s new telemarketer, it’s really ads, right? Pop up ads, ads on Instagram, Facebook, looking up a recipe online, and it’s just all ads. It’s the most frustrating thing in the world, which is kind of what D Mad and I do. So not great for us. But one of the funniest scenes in the book is when pastor goes into a room full of telemarketers and just releases, like, a million maggots and kills all of them, like, cleans their bones dry. And they said that was one of the most positive things that’s ever happened in the world that was like, Jesus Christ. Imagine being a telemarketer or in our case, advertisers in that sense, like, oh, wow, that’s pretty depressing. But they really went in on. Yes, imagine your guy in 1990. You really do hate your life. You’re going into one giant room like the boiler room, except instead of selling stocks and doing Coke or whatever they do there, you’re just having your baloney lunch with the crust, cut off your bread. That’s it. You just hear people talking on the phone all day. And then you drive home through traffic. You get home, you’re like, you know what? I just want to kick back and read a book and you pick up this book and that’s where you are in it and you realize how horrible your life is. You go back in the car and you drive it up the bridge. It’s as simple as that. They equated me to maggots and then said it was the greatest thing that happened in the world. So, yeah, if you were a telemarketer in the 1990s, I would feel really horrible for you. I still do. Sorry, Matt. What else do you have for stockdown? Stockdown America bashing is that on the fly? Tell me you’re a posh Southern English prick without telling me you’re a posh Southern English prick. He’s a posh Southern Ponzi. Oh, he’s a posh Southern Ponzi indeed. And this is the 90s. Imagine if they wrote this book right now. Would probably pop into the Trump White House, but we’ll take a TV evangelical instead. And then famine is all about that. America is just prime for fatties and, like, super skinny people. Do you guys want to take a look in the mirror? I watch English Premier League soccer every Saturday. And I got to tell you, when they do fan shots in the lease kids trying to start the Revolutionary War, part two. I love it. Let’s get this going. Well, obviously there’s some kind of bitterness there. I don’t think there was a positive mention of America at all, not once. They even dissed American football at one point. And I was just like, there’s nothing sacred anymore. There’s nothing sacred. I think you missed the worst one when Chadwell I think it’s him or Newt when they go to the military base and they’re talking to the American military guy and he’s talking about burning witches and he drops a hard T with the F word there, which in actuality means a bundle of sticks because that’s what they’re using to burn for the witches. And the American guys like, oh, yeah, you guys are cool. Like, you’re down with burning gay people. Like, come on in. It was like, Whoa, what? Like that’s such a hard swing in America. Yikes. Neil Gaiman can’t hate America because he did make American Gods, which in order to make that book, he spent like three or six months just traveling around the United States and wrote it with that. And I don’t feel like we read that, Keith. I don’t feel like there was a lot of hate there. So maybe he was screaming at the trees. I don’t remember, but I don’t think he had a lot of hate in his heart. Well, Keith told me that American Gods was a Communist rag, and I loved it. I watched the series, too, and I was just like, am I a Communist right now? Do I have to rethink every decision I’ve ever made, ever? What’s going on? And then again, I wrap myself in the American flag and it’s a map of pie, and I’m back to even baby. All right, so my next step down is letting your baby out of your site at birth. It’s pretty simple. It’s that simple. Just you have a baby, you hold onto it. You’d think this was made up for the book, just like talking to plants. But no, about 28,000 babies get switched to birth each year, according to the Baltimore Sun, which I trust Holy after watching The Wire. And who knows, you might not only get someone else’s baby, but you might end up with Satan’s baby. So let’s just say when you have a baby, either tag that thing right away, make sure you see it, or don’t give it up because they might show up. You thought you had oh, it’s a boy. And they show up like, no, you actually had a girl. We misread we misread the parts. That shit happens. So 20,000 a year. Don’t let the baby out your site. Keith. What do you think about that? I mean, that’s always been your philosophy, though, right? Just in general, don’t let those kids out of your site as someone that doesn’t like children. Keith, do you understand this, or do I have to explain it further to you? I mean, I have empathy for people that have kids. Why do you put my business out there? Why do you say that? I hate babies. I’ve already told Dan that’s. Not that I don’t like kids. It’s just I don’t like babying them. It’s a toddler. I just talk to them like I’m talking to you or me. Everyone else will talk baby talk. Dylan’s like, hey, buddy, how’s it going? And I’m like, hey, bro, what’s up? How’s your life going? That’s the difference. I don’t like bathing people. That’s because your dad had a bat in your hand when you were two years old with the 80 miles an hour jugs machine going. So trial by fire. I completely agree. The baby talk does nothing but stunt the growth of the child. You talk to that thing like it’s an adult. Yeah, you’re goddamn right. Keith, did you have any other stock down here? I had one last one. It’s similar to St jeans, fast foods and diets stock down. He basically just kills people that eat fast food or kills people that are in diets in general. The worst part, too, is they basically are alluding to like, oh, I run a McDonald’s, right? And he’s like, yeah, my employees don’t even need to be literate anymore. I’m like, Jesus Christ, if you’re working fast food, you’re basically an idiot. Okay. But, yeah, what I’m going to instead do, I’m not going to diet and I’m not going to eat fast food. I’m going to stick to things like pizza, pasta, Italian, stuff like that. That’s healthy. And I’m just going to avoid just the diets and the overall fast food. So pretty much my pledge. What you do now? Yeah, that’s right. And occasionally I’ll go fast food, but I mean, like, not all the time. As long as you still snack on baby carrots, you’ll be fine. Yes, really. I’m just not going to do diets is what it comes down to. Matt, did you end up stuck down here? Well, I was thinking of a stuck up actually, like a revisit. How did you guys feel about the snarkiest sides in the footnote form? The footnote in a fiction, very underutilized. They make a point and then go down and kind of, like, finishes the joke rather than taking up, like, a whole page. It’s very Douglas Adams. I feel like they took that straight from Hitchhiker’s Guide. Right. Wasn’t that in there, Keith? I feel like they had that kind of stuff in Hitchhikers. Yeah, I feel like that, too. And even then, the footnote would be like half a page. Just have some absurd description of the alien race or something. Yeah, I liked it. And especially in audiobook form where it wasn’t like I’m moving my eyes. I didn’t have to do anything. They just say, like, footnote and then they continue it. So I definitely enjoyed it from that aspect. Stock up proper use of source material. Very rare in this day and age. I’m currently going through, like, the Wheel of Time book series and the Amazon series just really let me down. It’s the difference, I mean, even with like, Game of Thrones or something like that, is that Neil Gaiman wrote and was the showrunner for this Amazon show, as opposed to most other ones, where they sell the rights. Someone else writes the script, someone else runs the show, he did all of it. And you can tell from Good Owens because it’s pretty much exactly like the book, except for a few different things. So respect. You could do a whole podcast on this, but Game of Thrones, like, sets the playbook of what happens to a show when you steer away from source material. And granted, they didn’t really have any at one point, but it was like first five seasons, phenomenal stuck to source material, minus a couple of minor deviations. And then the ending seasons were just progressively worse as Hollywood writers tried to put their stamp on the Game of Thrones series. And I think Wheel of Time just got to stick to the source material because there’s a reason why you’re making that show is because the source material is so great. I don’t think we’d visited Wheel of Time, so maybe we’ll have to do that at some point. Let’s jump into pick your character, Keith, who’d you love in this book, who sung to you. I already referenced this earlier, but I looked up Shagwell. It’s Shadwell. It’s bullshit. The narrator said Shagwell. I’m almost positive 100% said Shagwell, and I already use my quote. But Felicity, Shagwell, CIA. Shagwell by name. Shag very well by reputation. I got to say that right away. But his accent was basically fat bastards accent, which I loved. He’s a man of principle, stuck to his guns, was obsessed with nipples. I liked everything about him. Really, honestly, how many nipples you got? I mean, it’d be impossible not to like Shadwell. He convinced both good and evil to pay Chadwell. He convinced both Good and evil to pay him, which brought the Witchfinder Army from bankruptcy to profitability. He’s hilarious. Just like straight up the funniest, probably the funniest character there. And the accent was on point, so I got nothing else to say. Matt, do you agree or do you like someone else that you want to call out? I think Shadwell is a phenomenal choice. Anytime you’re on the page, it was just like, you never know what’s going to happen. This may be too mainstream, but I loved Crowley. Anybody can relate to him. You want to be something, but you just got a heart of gold at the end of the day. And then all of his driving scenes were pretty funny, and he just, like, takes things in stride. I think Crowley was definitely my favorite. I don’t think you’ve seen the show, but I think the third episode is just Crowley and zero fails backstory. Kind of like them going throughout the ages and it’s just a fun watch. It’s just them at the French Revolution and Noah’s Ark. Just like them shooting clips back and forth. Super fun. So even if you don’t watch the show, Keith, I think you should watch that. I think I told you I’d watched one or two episodes after reading Never Wear, which again is nothing like Good Omens or American Gods. But I was like, oh, I like Neil Gaiman. So I watched it and I was like, I have no idea what’s going on, but now I think I will. So I’m going to try to rewatch it. Let’s Jump into love. Hey Keith, what did you love about Good Omens? I liked a lot of the footnotes, the side stories. I think we talked about that a little bit already. A few of them that stuck out to me. Agnes Nutter, realizing she was going to burn to the stake and just taking everyone with her strapping £100 of gunpowder and nails. That’s like my kind of wild card. I fucking love that. And she’s like, yeah, come closer. Why is everyone so far away? And it just blows up and like, yeah, let’s fucking go. The preacher angel scene, I actually thought that was hilarious. I know, St. Jean, you mentioned that it was kind of like the anti American flashback, but I thought that was kind of funny that the angel was his elifi jumps into the preacher’s body. And actually no, actually the real thing is he’s not like defensive or anything. He’s just kind of like, oh, well, this is how true it is. Well, the characters itself. I just think Gaiman writes such great characters that all of them. I know we obviously singled out Chadwell, but I felt like all of them are interesting. Even the kids like the little conversations between the kids, which are normally pithy and kind of silly, were silly in a different way. And then it brought some fun to the book where it’s like they’re reading about UFOs. Then all of a sudden aliens are landing somewhere because Adams just bringing these things to life in Atlantis and all that stuff. So there were so many characters and I feel like usually bringing back Game of Thrones, you’ll have different characters and sometimes Game of Thrones like whole chapters on a certain character. You’re like, I don’t even want to read this person, but with this, anytime they jump back and forth, I was like, oh yeah, I do want to check in with what those guys are doing. So I love that part. And that kind of ties into just the little quips throughout the book. And this is probably a Douglas Adams thing, but it became a Neil Gaiman thing. They both are really good at it just throwing so many jokes in there that it becomes rereadable rewatchable if you’re into the show. If I was away from this book for a while, out of all the Neil Gaiman books I’ve read Besides like The Sandman, I feel like this is one that I’d pick up just to get the jokes. I thought the dialogue was unbelievable, just made the pages go a little bit quicker. I would go like lovehate were the side stories because initially as I was getting into it, it took me a while to get the flow of the book. So I think the first 60 pages took me like an hour and a half to read because I kept on going back like, who the fuck was this? Where did this come from? And then as I got into it and they just started weaving together, I was just like, oh, this is good. This is real good. I really enjoyed how they were courageous enough to steer away from the main plot for like ten pages. And then right back in you’re like, oh, that’s where it comes into play where it’s like, wait a second, how the hell did I get onto a ship in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean? What the hell does this have to do with anything? And then it’s like, oh, got it. I mean, even stuff when Zero Fail and Crowley are doing like the gardener and nanny thing, I was just like, what’s happening here? And then you realize, oh, they’re just trying to groom this Warlock character who isn’t even an important character in this story. They don’t even know what they’re doing. But it was just like a little fun aside. But I do agree and I’m going to jump into my hate even though we’re still in love. But I’m mixing things up because that’s really the only thing I didn’t like about this book was that it was a little bit faster and a little bit jumpy, which is also a Douglas Adams thing. But at the end of the day, once it kind of all settled into my brain, I was like, oh, it’s all done with a purpose and makes a lot of sense now. So even though it’s in my hate, I still really enjoyed it. At the end of the day, Keith, what else do you have for Love? New analysis of the haircut. I don’t know if you guys remember this, but well, first of all, Mrs. Mcgonagle cut my hair for my 1st 26 years of my life. So I had a perfect haircut for 26 years. It was absolutely perfect every time. But since then, similar to Newt, you get done with a haircut and you’re always like, oh, I don’t look like Brad Pitt. You’re done. You’re like, that’s about as good as I can get. That’s it. You always look in the mirror after. You always think that haircut is going to all of a sudden change your face. But it doesn’t so I really respected Newton’s analysis of that, and it’s pretty spot on. I feel like as long as we still have hair to cut, we should be happy, right? Amen. Oh, that’s a really great comment. You’d be Jimmy Holly, where you catch a reflection off his Dome, you know, like, I hope he listens to this. I don’t think anyone listening to this is going to know that. Except for Jimmy. That was a specific snipe. Okay, perfect. Yeah. I love that. The only thing I had left was and we’ve already talked about it, so I’m not going to go to you, but Martin Jarvis, the narrator, he does voices like, the guy from Police Academy does sound Michael Winslow and blown away. I really thought that the aforementioned Mike Myers or Robin Williams did really good voices. But this guy, actually, this is the only other book narrator similar to Jim Dale, who I would reach out and be like, I would be interested in reading a book that he’s read just to hear him do the voices. So he’s my last one and I did my hate. So, Keith, what else do you get for the hate? Yes. For love. Civilization is 24 hours and 2 miles away from Barbarism. I love that. Love that quote. I don’t think that’s attributed to this book, but it was just something they brought up. No, they said in the book and they also said it was attributed to somebody else. It was properly annotated, but it made me think I was like, yeah, if I didn’t have two meals and didn’t have Internet access or something like that, I would. Yes, that’s freaking out for hate. For me, I thought it was pretty similar to American Gods. It’s just too many characters inside story just for me. And this is probably not going to make any sense, but it also makes perfect sense to me. But the book is kind of like a crossword puzzle. It kind of like jumps around a lot and it’s just way above my intelligence level. So I’ll finally think I figured one out and like, all right, I got this one, I filled it in, and then we’re on the next thing and I’m like, wait, what? I don’t know anything. It’s just like jumping around too much and I’m just not intelligent enough for these type of books. We’ve already established that pretty clearly. So, yeah, I did think this one kind of wrapped up a little bit better, and I started to kind of get into the flow at the end a bit more than the American Gods one. But yeah, that was my biggest thing, really, for me. It was just like, I got to the point where I just said, fuck it. If I didn’t catch a reference either that’s too British for me for my American mind to understand, or I just missed something earlier in the book and I can’t pick up on the reference and nine times out of ten, that reference wasn’t brought up again. It was kind of like a maze with a bunch of dead ends, and that if you spent too much time on that dead end, then you’re just, like, bashing your head against the wall. So I think halfway through the book, I was just like, If I don’t get something, I’m just going to go through it. Yeah, I wish there was, like, a hierarchy of, like, here are the characters you actually need to pay attention to what’s going on for, because some of them you’d break away to something and you’d be like, Is this guy going to come back up again? Or is this just a one time story? That doesn’t mean anything. So it’s tough to know how much real estate in your brain you should give to one of the characters. At first, I didn’t even realize all the aliens were coming back. Atlantis was coming. I just thought this was, like, weird stuff that was going on. I didn’t even realize that Adam was pulling that out of his brain because he’s the son of Satan. It was just like, oh, these are, like, weird stories. And then at the end, I realized, oh, this is all the stuff that Adam and his friends were talking about. And I felt like an idiot. But I was like, you know what? I am an idiot. And I enjoyed the ride anyways, so it’s important to be humbled. Keith. Sorry. Let’s jump into listener mail. You’ve got mail. The four horsemen come, and then the other four horsemen from the bar come and start getting themselves names based off of what they perceive as the worst things on Earth. What would your four Horsemen be? I know this is going to put you guys on the spot here. Give us what you got first. You can give us a taste. Sure. Comcast customer service was my number one. That’d be one of the names. Banks, specifically Chase Bank. Fuck them. Unless they sponsor us. People that love power was my third, aka Best Buy. And then fourth was bruised fruit or fruit with a lot of seeds in it when they’re not supposed to have seeds in them. Those are my biggest four things. Like a Clementine. Is that what you’re thinking of? I fucking hate when you bite into Clementine and it has season. Or if you bite into a piece of fruit that you think is not bruised and it’s bruised and it’s mushy like an Apple or like a banana. I’m just getting angry thinking about that. Those are really good ones. Those are good ones. Thank you. I’m glad we got a taste, because I would have taken that way too seriously. What do you mean? I’m not joking in any sense. There I would have gone way too profound. I’m glad I’m going to just reel it back in. I don’t even know what more profound will be then those I honestly don’t. Those are literally dead serious. I don’t know what you’re doing. Matt, do you have anything on top of your head? Youtube videos that have 15 to 30 seconds without the skip? Five. Yeah. Especially curated ones, because it’s like, that’s a choice by the curator to do that. Well, that goes back to the telemarketer thing in the ads thing that we do. So no wonder, I guess, considering recent homeowner here and that my girlfriend also loves getting the mail. Like, loves it so much. I would say the mail because it’s always like a big the mail man stops by and she’s like, super excited. She’s like, oh, maybe we got mail. Maybe someone wrote us a letter and she comes in, she’s like, here’s some more bills for you. They’re like, Kramer from Seinfeld. Yeah. Just don’t like mail. Just don’t send it to me. Because maybe it’s like a note for my mom saying, I hope you’re happy, which is great, but a phone call works just as well. But more often than not, it’s just something I don’t want to receive. So I’m out on that. Have you guys got a landline yet? Because I feel like that’s also like a novelty new homeowner item when the landline rings instead of a cell phone. It’s funny you said that, because she literally asked me, we don’t have a landline. She’s like, we should get one. I was like, Why? So then more people can call and look for new services or try to send us bills over the phone? Like, no, I’m good. Someone wants to call Landlines. Another one of my four horsemen. That’s really all I got, though. It’s like, very job specific. But have you guys ever used EDIUS as a video editing software? No. This is a four Horseman apocalypse. Oh, yeah, because it randomly crashes mid project, and I’m usually going up to deadline and, like, editing highlights or editing a story together, and then EDIUS will freeze for 10 seconds. And the fear and the anxiety in those 10 seconds is something that I can’t even describe. And that would be a four Horseman for me, for sure. Yeah. I think we should say, like, the save button in general, like, it’s 2022. Shouldn’t everything just be auto saved? I don’t understand. Yes. Why even have that? I’m sending a reply all when you meant to just reply one. That’s a good one. That’s nightmare fill. Yeah. Or like the other day when I had hot diarrhea, but I had a Zoom call, and I was certain I was going to accidentally put myself on video and be that person on the Internet. Well, you were on. I was on the call, but I wasn’t on video, so I had to do it. That would be, I guess my other one would accidentally put yourself on video in these situations. But it was the hottest diary. I had to do it. Keith, considering this is a TV show. Neil Gaiman picked the cast like we talked about. He was the showrunner. He picked the cast. I don’t really have any improvements over him. David Tennant. He’s a British study. Of course he’d be Crowley. He was so good. And zero fail, as I can remember the actor’s name, but he was also phenomenal. So I really didn’t even have anything for this. It was just so well done. The only thing I would have could have imagined happening was Crowley. I can’t remember his name. Crowley a zero fail. And Shagwell, being played by Mike Myers, plays all three of those characters. And it’s a full comedy. Just like heavy leaning into the comedy side. That’s the only thing I would have done. So you’re on like straight. Netty professor vibe, but with this. Well, I mean, awesome powers. You mean he does have awesome powers? Actually, yeah, he does. Dr. Evil, bad Bastard and Gold member. Yeah, that’s right. I think the only change that I would make, I would make Emily Blunt and Athena. Well, can’t mess with that. But she was tied up to a Mary Poppins. Okay. Priority or Quiet Place? Five. The Quietest Place. Keith, would you recommend this book? What do you think? I mean, if someone likes if they’re like, oh, American God is my favorite book, then 100% I would recommend to that person. It wasn’t for me. Like I mentioned, it was just I like a very easy narrative. I’m like a young adult book. This is an adult adult book. So it wasn’t for me, above my pay grade. But like I said, do you like American Gods? Interesting. All right, Maddie, take us home here. Come on. You guys don’t like this book, right? I enjoyed the book. Definitely had its pitfalls. Everything has its pitfalls. But if this was like 300 pages longer, I think I would just like dive exhaustion trying to read it, but I think it’s a good length. I think the ending was kind of a letdown, but I’m more of a buildup guy. I would give it like, I don’t know, like 7.5 out of ten. Oh, wow. Bring a rating in. First time we’ve had that. I like that. What about you, DMA? Yes, I would recommend this book. I think it’s a fun I mean, especially the audiobook, like I said. But even the book itself, I feel like it would be wonderful. It’s just a fun read. Kind of like Matt was talking about the whole time. You don’t have to know every reference or really follow a bunch of the stuff. You’re going to understand the storyline anyways. And there’s at least one gem in every other page. But at the same time, I’m defending Neil Gaiman books because I just really like him in general and I think his stuff is great. All right, well, Keith, what’s up for next time, baby? It’s Inherited Game by Jennifer Lynn Barnes, JLB young Adult book. We’re back in my genre. Back in my space. My reading ability. We’re back. We are back. Indeed. Well, Matt, thanks for joining us. It was a real pleasure. That was fun. Absolutely. This is a really cool thing you guys got going. Definitely enjoyed it. Broke up my day now. I got to get back to tornado coverage and duck for cover. But, Keith until then, inheritance game. I’ll see you then. Bye now. Bye now.
