Starbucks Spells Your Name Wrong on Purpose
It’s a tale as old as time. I go to Starbucks, order my soy pumpkin spice black coffee, cause I’m a real man and inevitably they ask for my name and proceed to butcher it. “Heath” “Teeth” “Kieth” (I before e, except after Keith), “Keeth” (to be fair, this is really how my name should be spelt). I run to social media post about it and the world keeps spinning. This is all part of Starbucks grand plan, that you have fallen for. Now others will say ‘it’s loud in there’ or ‘there’s a lot of ways to spell a name’. Wrong. It’s too wide spread, too coordinated, too planned. They spell your name wrong on purpose. Two reasons for this:
1. Superiority – There is nothing that makes people feel more superior then pointing out spelling mistakes or grammar errors. (Note – all of my blogs are purposely riddled with errors to give you a nice little confidence boost). Not sure what hits harder that caffeine head rush or elated feeling you get of knowing that the barista is below you both in class and intelligence level. ‘What a stupid peasant, can’t even spell. I’m so much goddamn smarter than that buffoon! Now let me tell everyone about it.’ Once you’ve felt this rush, it’s like a drug, and you keep coming back hoping to get a taste. You want them to spell your name wrong, you need them to spell your name wrong. Starbucks isn’t in the coffee business, they’re in the confidence game. Selling you an ego boost with every cup/incorrect spelling.
2. Free Publicity – Has anyone ever told you about the misspelling on their $6 Dunkin’ coffee? No, for one thing I hope you’re not getting a $6 coffee at Dunkin’ (go back to Stahhbuck’s). But Dunkin’ is missing out on a huge opportunity. It’s free advertising – you know people are going to talk about it. We can’t help ourselves (see reason #1 for why). I believe Starbucks tells their employees to spell names wrong on purpose. It’s a loophole they’ve found in the system that’s allowed them to grow to the size and popularity today. I mean they’re getting me to write this blog about it, which is more free publicity (to the hundreds of thousands that read this)!
BBC Arch enemy Reece “Greece” Witherspoon seen below:
Check back in for more “Ceith” Conspiracies.
Bonus this is one of my favorite tweets of all time and relevant:
