The Best Part of Working From Home: The Bathroom Situation
Everyone is talking about the work-from-home movement that is currently taking place around the world. You got the old generation asking ‘how is it possible you get any work done without someone micromanaging you?”, you got young people demanding to work-from-home or quitting. We have made up words being thrown out there like “quiet quitting“. Arguments are being made on both sides, but no one is out there talking about the actual best thing about working from home. We’re all thinking it, but no one is saying it. Sure, it’s nice to have a flexible schedule, no commute time, and be able to work from anywhere. But the best thing is being able to take a shit (also known as a Roger Goodell or RG) in the privacy of your own home.
Let’s face it the bathroom situation in most offices is barbaric. Multiple stalls, pungent smell, constant foot traffic, every sound amplified and echoing. We have an 8th amendment in the constitution for a reason, the cruel and unusual punishment has gone on for too long!
How do you exit a stall and look your co-workers in the eyes after Taco Tuesdays? The bathroom is supposed to be a sanctuary. A private isolated time for self reflection. A place to relax, maybe read a book or listen to a podcast (Here is a good one…). It used to be the best part of my day. Working at an office ruined that. I was one of those people that had constant stomach pain, from both the stress and the need to go. I ended up ‘working’ more on figuring out a good bathroom situation than at my actual job. I crafted my skills and became an expert at the field of public bathroom usage, George Costanza, would be proud of me. By year 3 of working in an office I updated my resume to look like this:
- Proficient in the use of other-floor bathrooms, researching, and scouting foot traffic.
- Analyzed best hours of bathroom usage, using pivot tables, vlookups, and graphs to find best off-hours.
- Managed and coordinator numerous successful RG runs, independently of other co-workers.
Thankfully that skill set has been retired since my job has became work-from-home two years ago. Since then, my production has skyrocketed, my stress has decreased, my bowl movements have been immaculate. I feel like a king on the throne (in more ways than one). The weight has been completely lifted off my shoulders and out of my intestines. The feeling is really hard to put in words, but I think prominent 21st century poet Lil Wayne summed the feeling up best “Big house, long hallways, got 10 bathrooms, I could shit all day…” (Well in my case it’s more like “Small house, a hallway, got 1.5 bathrooms I can shit all day…)
How Much Salary Would You Give Up for a Private Bathroom at Work
You may think I’m speaking in hyperboles or over-dramatizing things. But there has been a running conversation between BBC members about the terribleness of work bathrooms and how much they’d give us to have this burden removed. Here is a conversation we had about this very topic way back in November 2013. Note the dollar went a lot further back then…
So the answer to this question, between 10-25% of our salary. Ask yourself this same question, and then ask yourself what is the most important part of working-from-home? Don’t take what we have for granted!
Bathroom Meetings
I’ll leave you with one last thing, have you ever wanted to feel alive? Feel a midday rush like no other? Take a zoom call whilst on the toilet. It’s like ejecting rocket fuel into your veins, the ecstasy and jubilation is unimaginable. It’s a thrill ride. One misclick of the mute button or an accidental camera share and you’re finished. You’d never be able to show your face to your co-workers (which is great because you’re already working from home). But there really is nothing like dropping more than just knowledge on a zoom call. Give it a try.
