The Worst Modern Way to Die
We just read All Quiet on the Western Front (check out the book podcast and upcoming movie podcast), One thing that was apparent in both the book and movie, was the countless horrific deaths that occurred during World War I. The scene where Paul must kill a Frenchman in hand-to-hand combat sticks out. That got us thinking, what are the worst ways to die? I figured as inspiration, I’d make another quick list (I’m quite fond of ranking things); so here is a quick top 3 worst movie deaths:
Most Brutal Movie Deaths
3. Saving Private – Stabbing Scene
Another brutal hand-to-hand combat scene, with the real villain not even being the German guy but that little bitch Corporal Upham (I’ll be honest, that’s who I’d be in a war scenario).
2. The Rock – VX Gas
I love the movie The Rock. So any time there is an opportunity to include it on any list, it gets included. The VX Gas is no joke, and would be an awful way to go out. Plus, this last scene is a cinematic masterpiece.
1. Casino – Baseball Bat Scene
This one gave me nightmares when I saw it as a kid on TNT. Thanks TNT for editing out all of those swears (my innocent ears would never be able to take hearing all those bad words!) but then keeping in the scene of guys getting brutally beaten to death and then buried alive. I still don’t like watching this full scene.
Alright back to the point of this blog. History is filled with terrible deaths from starvation to plagues to torture. Finding the worst ways to kill and torture people was even a hobby for many of the sick leaders in the past. But if we’re talking the worst modern ways to die, that don’t include some form of torture or war scenario, I have one that is specific to me. It combines all my biggest fears, and replays in my mind anytime I’m flying. Let me paint the picture:
I’m halfway through the 6 hour flight to Hawaii, a dream vacation after working hard on so many great blogs. Unfortunately, the pre-flight General Tao chicken and 6 Guinness’ I consumed are not sitting well in my stomach. I hate having to shit in public, I hate flying, I hate tight spaces. The combination of all three is the worst bathroom situation possible. But desperate times call for desperate measures.
I walk to the bathroom, no line, perfect. Right as I’m about to close the door, I see four Sports Illustrated models stand up and wait in line up for the bathroom I am currently about to occupy. Not perfect. I enter the tiny bathroom and sit down. My heart is pounding. How is this place so small? Did the plane just dip slightly? No one can hear what I am about to do in this bathroom outside right? It has to be too loud.
I hear the Captain come on and mumble something. A few seconds later I’m thrown from the toilet seat. I’m flying all over the bathroom. Pee and feces leap from the toilet and fly everywhere. I’m in a porta potty that got strapped into a loop-the-loop roller coaster. The plane starts to go down. This is the end. There is screaming, chaos, I have poop all over my face. After what feels like an eternity of horror, we splash down roughly.
We are alive, somehow, we’re alive. I feebly reach for the door only to find it stuck. Water starts streaming into the bathroom. It’s freezing cold. The only thing worse than the cold is the incredible heat. What is that? I look above me and see that the ceiling is ablaze. I can feel my hair starting to burn. I crouch down as low as I can go but the cold water is starting to rush in. I try to push the door open one more time. It doesn’t budget. I peak my head up but I can literally feel my face burning. The water continues to rise. I scream bloody murder, no one responds. Outside the bathroom everyone exits the plane safely as they slide on one of those cool exit ramps. The passengers faintly hear screams but think it sounds more like an elderly cat. I slowly drown/burn to death, covered in shit, in an airplane bathroom, after surviving a plane crash. My worst fears all combined. The end.
Any way, that’s my worst way to die. Who’s got something worse? Reach out let us know!
