The Worst Part About Living in California
No this isn’t a blog about the rising and unsustainable cost of living, the gas prices, the lack of seasons seasons, or the many other issues that Californian’s complain about. This blog is for the California transients, those that come from New England (like myself), or Ohio, Michigan, Minnesota, Wisconsin, etc. Those sick of the cold and the 3 months of sunshine and aspire to live the dream. We’re more than willing to pay the sunshine tax because we’ve experienced the ‘savings’ from living in a tundra, and frankly they’re non-existent and not worth it.
The worst part about living in California occurs when you travel back to your cold weather state. Whether it’s for a wedding, to visit family, or what have you, the same interactions happen every time and on numerous occasions. It goes down something like this:
Person 1: Hey Buddy, how’s it been, long time no see! Are you still out in California?
Me: Yup, I’m still out there.
Person 1: *Looks me up and down whilst frowning* Oh… But isn’t it sunny year round there?
Me: Yeah…
Person 1: But you’re still pale…
Every time. To translate this conversation it’s essentially the person saying, “Hey you live in California now right? Why are you still so fucking ugly?” Not only are they disappointed in me, they’re disgusted, their visually upset by everything I am and represent. See the promise of California is tan skin, long hair and six pack. My milk colored complexion, widows peak, and body built by Cali-Burrito’s really extinguishes what they imagined. I understand why they’re upset, seeing me crushes their dreams. It’s like I’ve unknowingly catfished them. The worst part about of living in California is not living up to the stereotypes.
Cali me, but the exact opposite
Now I’ve been called translucent, whiter than snow, Casper the ghost, a sun reflector, an eye hazard, and everything in-between many a times growing up. So that’s nothing new, but the resentment, that’s new.
As we’ve said before at the Buddy Book Club we don’t just present problems, we fix them. Am I going to start working out, maybe take up surfing, try to grow my hair out, dye it blond? No, I’m not going to do any of that. Instead, I’m going to try and get tan the old fashioned way. Not by actually tanning since that’s impossible, alternatively I’m going to get so many freckles that that they all merge into one freckle, a golden tan freckle. That is the goal for summer 2022. No more of these awkward conversations, wish me luck!
