BBC Reader Email – Starting a Work Slack Conversation With Just “Hey”
Another edition of Buddy Book Club’s Reader Emails. These are questions, pet peeves, and observations sent in from fans. Got something that annoys you, or need to get something off your chest? Reach out, send your burdens our way.
Hey Buddies — long time listener/reader first time caller. There is a growing trend at the workplace that I can’t stand. People at my work sending me a slack message that just says “hey” or “hi”, no follow ups, no nothing. It drives me crazy. Just tell me what you want and don’t make me jump through hoops. Am I wrong here? – Sammy from South Carolina
Ahh nothing like a good work pet peeve, and this one is a doozy. To the untrained eye this is a pretty innocuous gesture. A simple ‘hey’ or ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ is not a friendly greeting in a work setting. It means far, far, more than you can imagine. It all stems back to people in work settings loving power. This type of greeting is a power move to the highest degree. There are only a few reasons why you start a conversation with “hey”, and each reason is more nefarious than the next.
Reasons Work People Start a Conversation with ‘Hey’
1) They Have Nothing to Say – This is the old, ‘I’m bored and need attention; I don’t have anything to offer, but was hoping you could entertain me’ move. It’s like when you’re dog comes up to you and puts their paw on you and stares at you. But at least a dog has an excuse, they’re only able to speak a few words. And let’s be honest, we’d all much rather talk with a dog than that co-worker starting a convo off with ‘hi’. So spit it out junior or move along.
2) They Really Want You to Ask Them Something – It’s Joe List’s bit on this (he’s huge fan of the Buddy Book Club (probably)). They’re just reaching out so you’ll ask them something. Instead of just telling you. They want the build up. It’s like any time someone brings up chicken wings, and I just casually drop – ‘oh have you heard of the chicken wing conspiracy?’ Don’t take the bait, otherwise you’ll be stuck listening to some idiot ramble on for 45 minutes about Big Chicken.
3) Checking to See If You’re There – This one became way more prevalent with the rise of working from home. Managers quickly realized that people get their work done without being in the office, and having someone looking over their shoulders. Now what? They need to still show they’re in charge and are important. So they send these simple ‘check in’ messages that don’t do anything other than validate their own importance. You have to make small talk with them for 10 minutes about nothing and they get to go about their day knowing they did something. And that something is them making sure ‘you’re on top of it’ by disrupting your work day and momentum.
4) They Want to Make You Grovel – This is the ultimate power play. It’s like calling your dog into eat but not letting them eat until you say they’re allowed to. In this instance you’re the dog and not in a good way. You must submit to their will until they’ll even give you the privilege of hearing what they have to say. You have to grovel at their feet and beg them just for the privilege to hear more. Their time is more important than yours, so they need your full undivided attention before they even consider divulging the likely unimportant/nonsensical/dumb information they’re about bestow onto you.
Appropriate Responses to a Conversation That Starts with just ‘Hey’
There are three different routes you can go to one-up these people. Choose wisely.
1) Go the Funny Approach – Fire off a, “Hey is for horses, better for cows”. Get them on their heels. Even if they open with “hi” or “hello” you can still fire off this response. Get them thinking you’re a little crazy, that you’re a bit of a wild card. Maybe next time they’ll think twice before opening up with just a ‘hello’, and they’ll get to the point.
2) Uno Reverse Card – Skip right over their dumb greeting and fire off a question of your own. You know they’re at their computer, so take the upper hand in the conversation. The more hostile the better. “Where do you see our company headed in the next five years?” “I wanted to talk about getting a raise” or “I’d like to take an extended break to follow Creed on their reunion tour”. Anything that puts the onus back on them works. Now they’re backpaddling wondering why they reached out in the first place, and tearing up thinking about the live version of ‘With Arms Wide Open’.
3) Leave Them on Read – Ultimate move right here. You gotta have a big ol’ set of nuts/ovaries to pull this one off. Especially since many use this as a way to ‘check-in’ on you. Starting a conversation off with these type of greeting is a form of terrorism, and we don’t respond to terrorist threats. Alternately you could hit them with a waving emoji 👋, so you’re not responding but you responded.
There is no perfect way to get rid of this terrible practice, but this is a start.
Thanks for the email Sammy – keep them coming. Hotlines are open, reach out to us with whatever is ailing you.
