The Chicken Wing Conspiracy Theory: Chickens Are Bred With Extra Wings

The main reason we started blogging is really so that this specific blog/exposé/bombshell/masterpiece could be written. On the eve of the Super Bowl, the biggest chicken wing day in the world, it only makes sense that a conspiracy that has been suppressed by ‘Big Chicken’ for too long, will be uncovered: Chickens are now bred with multiple wings.

Some will call this blog our magnus opus or Pulitzer Prize worthy. Most will call it the dumbest thing they’ve ever read. The below information is not only entirely too long, but also entirely unnecessary. With that in mind, I present to you the Chicken Wing Conspiracy Theory.

**Look to your right, now look to your left, now look even further to your right and left. 1 in 5 people will agree that this conspiracy has merit, the other 4 are just closed minded government pawns that can’t think outside the box.

Chicken Wing History & Basics

Chicken wings first rose to prominence in Buffalo, New York in the late 1960s. Until that time chicken wings were, ‘inexpensive and undesirable, primarily being used for stock or soup’. Once this delicious appetizer/meal/lifestyle caught on, demand exploded. Bars, restaurants, pizza joints all started offering wings, and even religious institutions started popping up in their honor (Hooters, Buffalo Wild Wings, Wingstop, etc.).

A “normal” chicken is comprised of 2 wings, which are broken into the flat (like our elbow to hand) and the drumette (the shoulder to the elbow). General consensus is that the average chicken wing meal consists of 8-10 wings (or 2-2.5 chickens). The average American consumes 290 wings a year or 24/month.

This is really where the questions started for me, if chicken wings are this popular, and 2-3 chickens must be killed to consume a normal sized meal (versus, for example, a half a chicken if you’re eating a chicken breast), then how is the chicken industry possibly meeting these increased demands?

Why Are Chickens Bred With More Wings?

Every great conspiracy/cover up needs a ‘why’. What is the motivation? This one is quite simple, economics.

Farmers/’Big Chicken’ rejoiced as a once useless part of the chicken, started making them money. All was looking great until wing demand started to surpass supply. The supply/demand issue becomes much more apparent during the Super Bowl. This year 1.45 billion chicken wings will be consumed on Super Bowl Sunday. That’s 4+ wings for every single person in the entire US or 1 full chicken (if you’re one of those that still believes they only produce 4 wings). So I ask a very simple question, if demand for chicken wings spikes 100x during the Super Bowl (and March Madness), but regular chicken demand stays flat, how is the chicken industry possibly covering this sudden spike?

(Wow, whoever made that graph above must be a handsome graphic designer, who definitely didn’t use Microsoft Paint).

Arguments of the Sheep (Those That Don’t Believe)

Deniers will claim two things are happening – both of which are messages that have been conveniently pushed out by the mainstream media:

1) They just kill more chickens during this period and then drop prices of chicken breasts, thighs etc. to create more demand and get rid of the excess supply

This is economics 101, and in a vacuum makes sense. But this would be a logistical nightmare. Every year they would have to kill way more chickens then needed and flood the market with all the different chicken products in order to get rid of excess demand. I’m not buying it (both the excess chicken or the theory). Plus, if the National Agricultural Statistical Service is to believed, chicken slaughtering (their word) in February actually goes down:

And pricing rarely ever fluctuates for regular chicken month to month – if anything it’s at it’s highest in February.

**Unfortunately I wasn’t able to find any more recent pricing, likely because ‘Big Chicken’ knows I’m onto them and are covering these up.

2) They already have a surplus of wings that they freeze to meet those demands 

If this is to be believed and we assume that companies like to burn money storing wings at expensive freezer warehouses, then theoretically there should always be a surplus in supply that’s just sitting in these freezers. There really shouldn’t be any price volatility, because supply is never an issue. Yet… there are masses swings in supply:

And there are massive swings in pricing:

How is this possible if there is always an excess in chicken wings? Wouldn’t it make more sense that instead they bred too many or too few chickens with multiple wings? That chickens with extra wings are their own subset and they just projected incorrectly, and that is why there is no change with all other chicken products? Tell em’ Katt!

The Chicken Wing Solution

Big Chicken is no different than Amazon, they are in the logistics business. The easiest way to save money and prevent big swings in supply is to create chickens with extra wings. Generically modifying chickens with 6+ wings to be exact. Then they breed more or less of these multi-winged chickens depending on projected demands. That’s just logical, and good business.

As an example, let’s say a shoe company makes their shoes and shoe laces together. Shoe laces are the significantly cheaper portion of the shoe but are part of the shoe still… Almost like a wing. All of a sudden shoe laces become super popular. There are crazy spikes in demand for shoe laces that do not follow the same demand trend line as shoes. Do you think that company would continue to make shoes and shoelaces together or do what is more efficient/logistical and make shoe laces separately to meet the increased demand?

This is the same dilemma farmers/Big Chicken faced. They found a solution so that they don’t have to kill more chickens than needed and can cover wing demand. This isn’t new, farms already specifically breed animals for certain purposes. That’s why the recent bird flu outbreak hasn’t impacted chicken wing costs. 

Is it Possible to Genetically Modify Chickens to Have Extra Wings?

If you don’t realize that that Big Chicken/Cow/Pig are genetically modifying the shit out of everything already, then I don’t know what to tell you. In my mind, this is the most plausible aspect of the whole conspiracy theory. It’s not even a question of if they can do this. Our upcoming book at the Buddy Book Club (have I mentioned this is a book blog?) is the 1990 classic Jurassic Park. In the book they go to great lengths talking about genetic mortifications that were occurring during that time period (and that was 33 years ago!) and how it isn’t that far fetched to think dinosaurs could be recreated. Is there a correlation between all of this and Dino Chicken Nuggets? Maybe.

Or you can look back just 24 years ago when they were testing modifying chickens at Harvard: 

We see examples of this everywhere. They’ve made a seedless watermelon. It’s seedless, it can’t reproduce! They can do anything! Oh, and If you think any sort of ethics would stop people, they’ve been casually cutting open cows and leaving their stomach opens since the 1920’s and no one even blinked an eye. 

How are Chickens With Multiple Wings Being Covered Up?

This is another common defense, ‘surely there would be evidence if this was occurring!’ Well there would be, but there are state and federal laws that prevent anyone from exposing what actually happens at farms (and don’t call me Shirley).

Ag-gag typically refers to state laws in the United States of America that forbid undercover filming or photography of activity on farms without the consent of their owner—particularly targeting whistleblowers of animal rights abuses at these facilities. Although these laws originated in the United States, they have also begun to appear elsewhere, such as in Australia and Canada.

Or you’re sued/imprisoned/killed for bringing it to light.

Is ‘Big Chicken’ Going to Murder Me for Exposing Them?

Most likely. I know too much. If anyone from Big Chicken is reading this, I’m joking around, this is a comedy site!

If we’re being honest though, I don’t really care that I’m eating wings that are from chickens with multiple wings, it doesn’t bother me at all. What’s the alternative, chicken wings become as expensive as Wagyu? No thanks, keep producing those multi-winged chickens, and keep that price low. Personally, I plan on eating at least 12 wings tomorrow (or 1 chickens worth).

How to Make the Best Chicken Wings (From a Chicken That Has 6+ Wings)

Luckily we have a resident chef here at the Buddy Book Club who can help out with this:

1. Pat dry chicken wings thoroughly
2. Salt generously add baking powder and place on wire rack in the fridge for a few hours or overnight⁣⁣
3. Fry twice – once at 325 until wings are just starting to brown (can be done hours before serving) – then again at 375 just for a couple minutes until skin is crispy
4. Drain on wire rack and mix 1/2 stick of butter with 1 cup of hot sauce (Frank’s) in a sauce pan – toss to coat and you’re done! 
5. Pick yourself up some carrots, celery, ranch, and blue cheese. (Editors disagree between ranch and blue cheese.)

Enjoy the Super Bowl everyone, and eat some chicken wings!

Love, 

Buddy Book Club

Have some conspiracy theories of your own?  Or want to tell us how brilliant/dumb we are. Well reach out!